Everything Is Upside Down
by jaelke421
Summary: Gibbs is ready to strangle his newest agent but is his anger causing him to miss something important? Things are not always as they appear on the surface.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: If you've read any of my other stories, you know by now that Ziva is one of my favorite NCIS characters. (I really love them all except maybe Vance. I'm liking him a lot more after Good Cop, Bad Cop, though.) I do, however, respect that not everyone likes Ziva as much as I do. This story was inspired by a comment I read in an NCIS forum. The poster (can't remember the name to give him/her credit) pointed out that Ziva seems to have a sense of entitlement with regard to being an NCIS agent. I agree she has come across as pretty audacious about her reinstatement the last few episodes considering the mistakes she's made. However, I think there are much deeper motives behind it and this is my attempt to explore them. If you are Ziva fan like myself, I just ask that you stay with this story through the second chapter. You may still not enjoy my perspective after that which is perfectly understandable. I think it is a testament to the talent of the show's writers that these characters are so multi-faceted that everyone sees them from so many different perspectives.

I've noticed other authors pointing out the obvious so…they aren't mine. Hello! If those boys really belonged to me, I hope I could think of better things to do with them than write stories.

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Gibbs put every ounce of strength he had into pounding the nail into the wood in front of him. "Damn, it feels good to finally hit something," he thought to himself.

It was only Ziva's second week as a probationary agent and he was ready to strangle her. He was a good leader. He was hard on his team but he did it for their benefit. And he always had their backs when they needed it. Ziva was proving to be quite the challenge, though. The baggage she carried combined with her strong-willed nature left him searching for answers. And if her defiant behavior today was an indication of what was ahead, he better find those answers soon.

Only a parent could truly understand the way he feels right now. Until he became a parent all those years ago, he had no idea he was capable of this kind of anger. He certainly never thought he could feel that way about his own daughter. With a bittersweet smile, he remembers Kelly as she stood in the living room of their house on base. Shannon was gone for the day and Kelly had used the opportunity to test every limit possible. After intentionally pushing his buttons all day, she had finally worked herself up to her grand finale.

"I don't care," she yelled with her hands on her hips and a glare that could have intimidated half of the marines in his unit. "I can do what I want. You are _not_ the boss of me."

It had taken every ounce of self-control he had not to lose it completely and show her that he was indeed the boss. He never thought he could be so tempted to spank a child. Shannon had bad memories of being punished in anger while growing up so he had promised her he would never do the same thing with Kelly. In that moment, his promise was the only thing that held him in check. Even so, he had still yelled at her. "Lose the attitude, princess," he had shouted while plopping her down in the chair they had designated for time outs. Fortunately, Kelly was a smart kid and realized she had finally pushed him too far. She had shut up and stayed put while he went into another room to calm down. After gaining a little perspective, he had returned and apologized for yelling at her. He followed his apology with a calm but very serious talk about obedience and respect. Within minutes, his sweet little angel had reappeared. With her tearful "I'm sorry, Daddy," all his remaining anger had melted away. Too bad he couldn't say the same for his sweet little agent. Even pounding the wood had done little to calm his anger towards her.

He and Shannon had been lucky as parents. Kelly had tested her boundaries occasionally as a natural part of growing up but she had mostly been a compliant child. Considering how strong-willed the two of them were, it was amazing they had produced such an easy going kid. Although he had disciplined her when it was necessary, Shannon had often accused him of spoiling her as well. He had definitely encouraged her sense of adventure. He had been comfortable doing so because he knew he could trust her to respect his limits. Parenting Kelly had been a walk in the park compared to the situation he was facing now.

He had dealt with his share of rebellious marines over the years but that was different. You did what was necessary to break them because defiance on the battlefield led to certain death. With most of the agents he had trained over the years, he had been able to find the right balance. He always taught them to respect his leadership and follow orders while still encouraging them to develop into their own person. Dinozzo was a perfect example. He had his own style and it worked well for him. He asserted himself when it was needed but he also respected the boundaries the majority of the time. Dinozzo had matured a lot over the last few years although it had taken more than a few head-slaps to facilitate the process. Really, though, it had been simple with Dinozzo. Dinozzo's relationship with Gibbs was a lot like Gibbs's relationship with Mike Franks. Gibbs understood it. His relationship with Ziva, on the other hand, could very well be his most complicated challenge yet.

To start with, Gibbs wasn't sure if he was a parent or a team leader or some of both. There was no doubt Ziva could use some good parenting. Unfortunately, it was about twenty years too late for that. Instead, he was left dealing with an emotionally immature adult who was a complex paradox in many ways. On the one hand, she blindly obeyed her father's orders to the point of suicide. Yet, when it came to almost everyone else, she was as strong-willed as they come. "Always full of fire" was how Amit Hadar had described her and the description fit her well. Gibbs suspected that as long as she remained loyal to Eli, the man hadn't really cared whether she respected or obeyed anyone else. Gibbs doubted anyone other than the director's daughter would have gotten away with putting Mossad's second-in-command in a headlock. Eli David was a complete narcissist. It probably gave him great enjoyment to watch Ziva take advantage of her position as _his_ daughter.

When it came to Ziva's position with Mossad, she clearly had been given too much power at too young of an age. Given the survival rate of the average operative, it wasn't unusual. It also wasn't surprising that it led to a certain amount of arrogance. After all, her only identity had been tied to being a Mossad operative for as long as she could remember. It was what Eli had raised her to be and she was very good at it. Gibbs couldn't deny the value of her skill or experience. However, the sense of entitlement that goes along with them is a problem. She needs to start over and she needs to earn her place as an NCIS agent instead of expecting them to hand it to her. It is the only way she will ever leave that part of herself she loathes completely behind and embrace a new identity.

Gibbs wonders what it would have been like raising a young Ziva David in a healthy home. A buddy of his in the Core had once described his eight year old daughter as having a quiet will of iron. That fit Gibbs's picture of a young Ziva. With her, you would have had to pick the necessary battles carefully and then win decisively. The rest of the time, the best thing you could do as a parent would be to let her make her own mistakes and learn from the natural consequences. With kids, you could let them learn to make choices in a safe environment. It taught them to make smart decisions before the consequences were too severe. Trying to do that with Ziva as an adult meant the consequences could be deadly.

He had tried giving her a choice by leaving her behind in Israel but it had backfired on him. He had underestimated how little will she had when it came to her father. She knew nothing about how to make wise choices because Eli David had never given her the chance to make her own decisions. Gibbs wondered what the man must have done to her over the years to conquer such a strong will so thoroughly. He suspected that manipulation and withholding his love had been an essential part of Eli's parenting style. Fear was obviously a big part of the mix as well.

Fear was significant part of the Ziva that Gibbs was dealing with right now. He suspected at least some of her arrogance was a bluff. He knew she was desperate to assert herself as an agent because it was all she had left. He could relate to that. It had been the same for him as a new agent. One option Gibbs had in dealing with Ziva was to use her fear and insecurity to gain her compliance. Threatening her with losing her place on the team would likely result in her submission and obedience but at what price? Did he really want to take her only security away? Was doing that any different from what Eli had done to her? Her fear didn't just stem from her father, either. It was more complex than that. She needed to be in control right now because for the better part of four months she had been completely out of control of every aspect of her life. She had no choice in the little things the rest of them took for granted. Someone else had been in control of even the most basic things like whether she ate or slept. For whatever reason, being called "Probie" had become a control issue with her. No one liked it at first but they tolerated it. Gibbs never even protested when Mike still called him that. She, however, seemed determined to fight it, especially when Dinozzo used it.

Gibbs called her "Probie" in the first place because he wanted to remind her that she was making a new start. At this point, he would consider forgetting the nickname if he could be assured she would follow orders in the field. She hadn't disobeyed him. No, she was too smart to openly defy him. She had done it indirectly instead by disobeying an order from Dinozzo. This was after Gibbs made it perfectly clear the senior field agent was in charge of the scene whenever he wasn't there. Teasing and practical jokes directed at Dinozzo were fine but ignoring his orders was unacceptable. Gibbs tolerated the pranks because they had always been part of the team dynamic. Not to mention it had been great to see Ziva smile and to see her quirky, sneaky sense of humor return. Plus, Dinozzo gave as good or better than he got on that front. If it had been true disrespect or had interfered with their work, Gibbs would have stopped it. For the most part, though, it was just good, clean fun. It was pretty damn entertaining for him as well although he would never allow his team to know it.

After two hours of serious contemplation, Gibbs was still no closer to deciding how best to handle this afternoon's events. He would be forced to deal with it in the morning. Otherwise, he risked looking like he wasn't backing Dinozzo's play. He owed his senior agent that much. "How do you solve a problem like Ziva?" Dinozzo had joked as he handed Gibbs his report. It was a movie reference, no doubt, but Gibbs had no idea what film. In any case, he pretended he knew nothing of the contents of the report and remained silent. In truth, he had covertly listened in on the two agents as they returned from the scene. He had come awfully close to tearing into Ziva right then.

"What the hell were you thinking _Agent _David? I told you to hold at the back entrance until I gave a go command. If you think I'm going to cover your ass and leave this out of my report, think again, _Probie,_" Tony told her.

"Oh, so this how it is going to work now? You are going to prattle to Gibbs every time you think I have screwed up?" Ziva responded.

"It's tattle, Probie, not prattle. And you moved in without waiting for my signal. It was a stupid thing to do and it could have gotten one of us killed. You, of all people, should know how important it is to know where the rest of your team is if a suspect starts firing. I expected you to be where I told you to be. I don't have a choice here. I have to tell the Boss."

"Fine, then. Do whatever you think you need to do."

"You know, Ziva, you might want to take this a little more seriously. Do you understand what _probationary_ means? I don't want to see you lose your agent status or even worse, your life, over something like this." At this point, most of Tony's anger had dissipated and he seemed genuinely worried.

"You do not need to worry about me. I can take care of myself."

"Yea, well, good luck with that. Last time you told me it wasn't my job to protect you I ended up in Africa saving your ass from a deranged terrorist."

Hearing that, Gibbs headed into the bullpen, essentially shutting the conversation down before it could turn ugly. Truthfully, none of this was Ziva's fault although he had no intention of letting her play the victim. It was unrealistic to think that four years spent with them could magically undo a lifetime spent in the complete control of her father. She wasn't responsible for what Eli had done to her. She at least had enough conscience remaining to hate the things he had forced her to do. She had survived a horrific ordeal and was trying to let it transform her into a better person. She was determined and strong but she had a tough road ahead of her. Gibbs doubted she realized just how tough it was going to be. And it was going to start getting harder first thing tomorrow when he introduced her to the agent equivalent of time out. It was called indefinite desk duty. He wondered if Vance might also be up for another round of "good cop, bad cop." Gibbs had an idea that just might threaten her agent status enough to get her attention without destroying her security. This time he was going to be the good cop. He was determined to find a way to bend her will and channel it in the right direction without breaking her. The end result wouldn't be worth it unless he was able to keep her trust and respect in the process.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Just to be perfectly clear. I only agree that Ziva may come across as having a sense of entitlement at times. Things are not always as they appear on the surface. What she really feels may be entirely different and this is my attempt at exploring that possibility. If you were hoping for a Ziva bashing story, consider this fair warning that you will be disappointed and may as well turn back now. If you thought she got a bum deal in the first chapter, maybe you will enjoy this chapter more.

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Even though he had decided on a course of action with Ziva, Gibbs still could not rest easy. It slowly dawned on him that his gut was trying to get his attention and was having a hard time breaking through his wall of anger. Once he acknowledged that most of the anger was because Ziva's actions could have easily placed her or one of the others in danger, it finally began to subside. Setting aside his initial conclusion that Ziva's actions had been merely strong-willed defiance, he reread Dinozzo's report. This time he concentrated on seeing the situation from the senior agent's perspective. Dinozzo had focused on the facts but there was a subtle undertone that revealed he placed most, if not all, of the blame for what happened squarely on his own shoulders. That conclusion was reinforced when Dinozzo called a few minutes later.

"Read my report yet, Boss?" he asked.

"Tell me what happened out there," Gibbs replied.

"It was my fault, Boss. I mean, yea, she jumped the gun and it totally pissed me off at first. But she shouldn't have been in that position in the first place. Every new agent is going to be edgy in that situation. With any other newbie, I would have kept them with me and sent McGee around back. She was nervous and I just didn't see it. She's always so controlled. It's easy to miss the signals with her sometimes, ya know? But I know her. I should have seen it. I mean, hell, it was the first time she's drawn her gun since she's been back. I should have been more careful with her, Boss. It's just weird trying to think of McProbie as the more experienced agent and Ziva as brand new. I mean, because it's Ziva, Boss, ya know? It's Ziva. But she's not the same. We're not the same. It's like everything is upside down now."

"Ya think? So tell me what you are going to do about it."

"Treat her like a brand new agent and hope to hell she doesn't kill me for it."

Although he had laughed at Dinozzo as he snapped his phone shut, the situation really wasn't funny. Having Ziva back on the team was hard. He knew it would be but he may have underestimated the challenges the team would face. Dinozzo wasn't the only one who needed to change his view of the team dynamics. Gibbs had misinterpreted the situation himself and he wasn't used to being wrong. A year ago, Ziva moving without waiting for a team leader's signal would have meant only one thing: defiance. And she would have had a damn good reason for it because she knew the value of following orders. Eli may have let her get away with showing disrespect in an office setting but he sure as hell wouldn't have let her jeopardize a mission by not following the chain of command. And if Ziva had defied orders, she would have passionately defended herself and her reasons. She has never been one to hold back her opinion when she believes she is right. Somalia certainly hadn't changed that. And when Ziva made a mistake, she always owned it. And that is what has his gut so worked up right now. Ziva is not responding to the situation the way he expects. She has not even attempted to defend her actions to either him or Dinozzo. Her report simply states that they moved in and took down the suspect without shots fired. Normally, if she had messed up, she would have come to Gibbs and tried to make it right. At the very least, she would have tried to explain herself to him. Abby would say something was "hinky" about the whole thing and Gibbs's anger had almost caused him to miss it.

Unfortunately, knowing that did not change what Gibbs needed to do. Getting Ziva to talk about what really happened out there meant he was going to have to push her to the point of desperation or she would just try to bury it like she always does. And getting her to see herself as a probationary agent without feeling devalued was going to be a challenge as well. Making her let go of the guilt and shame she carried from her past as an assassin had been had been difficult. Unfortunately, it was only the first step in her transformation. She was going to have to accept that both she and the team itself had been forever changed by the events of the last six months. She lost everything she knew of herself in Somalia and she is desperate to at least get her place on the team back. However, she needs to understand that part of the team or not, she still has a family that loves her and will never desert her.

Sighing, Leon Vance dropped the case reports from Gibbs and his team back on his desk. He already had a full day of meetings scheduled and it looked he needed to add another one with Gibbs. Ziva David was just into her second week as a probationary agent and she had already screwed up. Vance has no intention of interfering with whatever method of discipline the lead agent chooses. However, he wants to be sure that Gibbs knows all his options. Gibbs needs to be prepared for the possibility that Ziva might not be able to cut it as a special agent. He hopes it won't come to that. The girl has been through hell and he genuinely wants to see her succeed.

Since rescuing Ziva from the desert, Vance and Gibbs have formed a somewhat surprising alliance. Both are equally determined to keep Eli David out of his daughter's life permanently. Vance had watched Gibbs's progression to that point with amused interest. He never once doubted that the former marine's feelings for Ziva would eventually rival a grizzly protecting its newborn cub. He had seemed unsure when they first found her but Vance suspected Gibbs was guarding his heart. He had been deeply hurt by Ziva's disloyalty and lack of trust. It wasn't until he realized how diabolical her father truly was that he had fully forgiven her. You couldn't fault the man for his initial reaction. He'd lost his only child under the most tragic of circumstances. Whether he admitted it or not, he used his team to help fill the void in his heart. Consequently, it left him vulnerable to deep hurt when Ziva chose her father over him. As Vance had listened to Gibbs give Ben-Gidon the message for Eli to stay away, he remembered thinking maybe there is a little justice in this world after all. A deserving father had lost a cherished daughter and a reprehensible father had nearly destroyed his. Now the hurting father and daughter at least had each other.

Thinking about Eli David was never the best thing for the NCIS director's blood pressure. Vance knew his rage at the Mossad director had caught Gibbs a little off guard at first. How did the man expect him to feel? Vance was father himself. He had never judged Eli for turning Ziva into an assassin. He understood the world the Mossad director lived in all too well. Glancing at his own daughter's picture, Vance imagined that in similar circumstances he might have been tempted to do the same. If nothing else, it provided her some means of protecting herself in very violent world. Eli David had learned the hard way that you could lose a daughter to that violence even if you kept her away from the fight. His youngest child, Tali, had been innocently shopping when she had been the victim of a suicide bomber. Knowing that had given Vance a certain amount of compassion for the Mossad director in the past.

Vance even somewhat understood Eli placing Ziva on the team that went after Saleem. The terrorist was a dire threat to Israel and Ziva had been one of his very best operatives. The "sharp end of the spear" as Eli had called her a year ago. The part that enraged Vance, however, was that Eli had not stopped the mission once it fell apart. Then he left Ziva to die without even attempting to rescue her. When Dinozzo and the others had narrowed down Saleem's new location, Vance had immediately passed the information on to Eli. Yet, Mossad had done nothing with it as far as Vance could tell. The whole "NCIS found her first" line was complete bullshit. There was no way Mossad didn't have the intelligence to get there much sooner. Even worse, Eli had known all along that Ziva had made it off the Damocles alive and had gone to Saleem's camp to complete the mission. Eli had let NCIS believe Ziva was dead rather than just missing. He did so knowing that Gibbs and his team would have been willing to do anything to help find her. A father who truly loved his daughter would have been desperately begging for their help.

Vance's internal rant against the Mossad director was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was followed by the entrance of Gibbs. Vance cut right to the chase. "You're here to see if I read your case reports. Looks like you've got an insubordination problem with your new agent. Decided what you're going to do about it yet?"

"Not entirely convinced it's insubordination, Leon. Thought so at first but there may be more to it than that."

"I got that vibe from Dinozzo's report too. He owned it instead of blaming her. He's turning into a hell of leader. He doesn't see himself that way, though, does he? Thinks he needs you. That was my motivation with the agent afloat position. I was trying to develop his confidence, give him some independence."

"Not the way Dinozzo's wired, Leon. He needs to be part of a team. Relationship means more to him than position. When it's time for him to step up, he will."

"When's that gonna be Gibbs? When you retire?"

"Maybe. Maybe sooner. Nothing wrong with him taking it slow if that's how he wants to do it. I'm more worried about Ziva right now. Gonna have to push her a little to find out what's really going on. You up for playing bad cop this time, Leon?"

"Depends on how bad. I'm not threatening to send her back to Mossad if that's where you are going with this."

"I would never do that to her, Leon. Besides, she'd call that bluff. There is no way in hell I'd ever let Eli have her and she knows it," Gibbs scoffed. "Just threaten her with a permanent administrative position. Something that keeps her here but not as an agent."

"That I will do. And just so you know. That isn't outside the realm of possibility. Keeping her safe from Eli and making her an NCIS agent are mutually exclusive. I've checked with an immigration attorney. We've got enough evidence from the Cryer investigation to make a strong case for granting her political asylum. She doesn't even have to be an NCIS employee to stay in the U.S. On or off your team, you can still protect her. I'll support you on that no matter what."

"I'm not giving up on making her an agent, Leon. Knew it wasn't going to be easy to bring her back. For any of us," and with that, Gibbs was out the door.

As Gibbs headed back down the stairs, he thought about Vance's assessment of his senior agent. He agreed that Dinozzo was growing into an exceptional leader. There was no one else he would want backing him up with the challenges they were currently facing. Selfishly, Gibbs hoped he was retired before Dinozzo decided to take his own team. He would never stand Dinozzo's way if he decided he was ready before then, though. Gibbs entered the bullpen as Dinozzo hung up the phone. "Dead petty officer in an apartment in Georgetown, Boss," Dinozzo informed him.

The others were already starting to gather their gear as Gibbs barked instructions. "Dinozzo, you're driving. David, sit down. You aren't going anywhere. You are back on desk duty until I say otherwise."

"What? Why? For how long?" Ziva asked.

"_Why_, Ziva? Because you disobeyed a direct order yesterday, that's why."

"And how long is this punishment going to last?" Ziva said, clearly upset.

"Until I'm convinced you are gonna follow orders. You could have gotten yourself or one of your teammates killed yesterday," Gibbs explained. As he turned to leave, Gibbs heard Ziva slam her stuff back down on her desk. "Lose the attitude, Probie."

"Great, now we're back to doing extra work. Loving this, Boss," Dinozzo griped as they entered the elevator. It was Dinozzo's subtle way of letting Gibbs know he didn't agree with him disciplining Ziva.

"I just said she was sitting at a desk, Dinozzo. Didn't say she couldn't work. Pile everything on her you can." Seeing Dinozzo's mischievous smirk, he added, "Not your personal stuff. I better not find out you sent her after your dry cleaning."

"Yes, Boss," came the subdued reply.

Vance waited until the elevator doors shut and then walked down to the bullpen under the guise of returning the signed case reports.

"Good morning, Special Agent David. I read some interesting case reports this morning. I also understand that you're back on desk duty for the time being. I have a very low tolerance for insubordinate agents. We have an opening in the intelligence unit analyzing terrorist chatter. If following orders is problem for you, I imagine your skills could be very useful over there. Just because I refuse to give you back to Mossad doesn't mean I have to let you be an agent." Without waiting for a reply, Vance turned and headed back to his office.

As Ziva watched him leave, her hands began to shake. It was just as she had feared. Vance didn't really think she could make it as a special agent. Last week had been almost perfect. She finally felt like she was part of the team again. It was the closest she had come to actually feeling good in months. How had things gone wrong so fast? It was just one stupid mistake but once Gibbs knew the truth, there was no way he would back her up against Vance. After all the obstacles she had overcome to become an agent, now her position was in jeopardy over this? Ziva fought back tears, grateful that no one was around to witness her near breakdown. She had given up everything to be part of this team – her family, her friends, and her country. The team was all she had now. If she lost them too, she didn't think she could survive it.

An hour later, Ducky made a deliberate pass through the bullpen on his way back from the crime scene. Just as he had hoped, the others had not yet returned and Ziva was alone.

"Ah, my dear, how are you? I heard a nasty rumor that you are back on desk duty," said the kind doctor.

"It is true. I am once again stuck behind this desk," Ziva replied, looking very glum indeed.

"You don't seem as angry as I might have expected. Does this mean you feel it is deserved?" Ducky gently asked her. He was hoping she would tell him her side of the story. Jethro had naturally been tight-lipped about the situation. In contrast, Anthony had given him quite the earful on the subject. The senior agent had an interesting take on things to say the least. But then again, the young man always was one to surprise you. He only hoped Ziva could see how much they all wanted to support her through this difficult transition.

"If by deserved you mean that it is Gibbs's response to my actions, then the answer is yes," Ziva replied. It was an ambiguously worded statement intended to answer the question while revealing absolutely nothing about how she really felt.

"But you don't agree that the response is appropriate, I take it?" Ducky asked but before Ziva could answer, the elevator dinged signaling the return of the rest of the team. He quickly told Ziva that he would have tea waiting if she wanted to talk later and left for the morgue.

Later that afternoon, Ziva's meticulous analysis of the dead petty officer's phone records, credit card statements, and whereabouts for the past two months had yielded evidence of a potential secret affair with his commanding officer. Since Tim was still upstairs helping Abby process the petty officer's laptop, Gibbs had taken Tony to pick up the commanding officer for questioning. A few minutes later, Ziva had looked up to find Tim standing at her desk. "Want to take a coffee break with me?" he asked.

"I am not sure I am allowed to leave my desk for that," Ziva replied with sarcasm.

"I won't tell if you won't. They had to go all the way to Baltimore to pick that guy up. Even with Gibbs's driving, we've got at least half an hour before they make it back through rush hour traffic." As they walked to the elevator, Tim couldn't help but tease her. "Tony's right, you know. You're getting much better at sarcasm."

"Yes, sadly, Tony is often right about many things but it is best if we do not tell him that, yes?"

"Yea, definitely don't need to boost his ego. So…if you think he's so wise, why didn't you follow his orders yesterday?" Tim asked. When she didn't reply, he continued. "You know, I never told anyone about this but Tony was really there for me when that undercover cop died and everyone thought I was responsible. I was ready to quit NCIS and he convinced me that I could make it as an agent."

"What did he say that was so helpful?" Ziva asked. Tim had obviously piqued her curiosity.

"Um…I can't exactly tell you. And none of your Mossad tactics to try to get it out of me either. I promised him I would never tell. It was about his early career, though. You know Gibbs was pretty cool during that time, too. He actually apologized for not being there when they questioned me. And he didn't give up on me after I screwed up."

"You did not screw up, Tim. We proved that it was a clean shoot," Ziva responded.

"I'm not talking about that. It was afterwards when we went to pick up the dirty cop. He drew his gun on us and I hesitated. If it hadn't been for Gibbs, I'd be dead. Man, he was pissed but he didn't write me off. Just said if it ever happened again, I'd be off his team. He gave me a second chance, Ziva," Tim explained.

"Yes, well, I may be out of chances with him," Ziva said in a flat voice.

Wow, she's really scared she's going to lose her place on the team over this, Tim realized. Yet, she hadn't once tried to defend what she had done. It is because she can't defend it, he realized. That must mean it wasn't intentional. That never would have happened a year ago. He had always been envious of how calm Ziva remained under pressure. He wondered if she even realized how much she'd just revealed to him by what she hadn't said. He doubted it. She rarely allowed herself to be that vulnerable to anyone.

"You know, if you were really out of chances, you'd be off the team already instead of just sitting on a desk," he said trying to encourage her. She remained silent, though, so he changed the subject and began telling her about the exotic porn sites he and Abby found on the petty officer's computer.

By the end of the day, they had the petty officer's wife in custody. Her husband had tried to come clean with her about his double life and she had flown into a rage and killed him. As usual, Tony tried to take credit for solving the case.

"Open and shut. Just the way I like them. I must say that was some stellar investigating by yours truly. The way I managed to trip up the wife…"

"Before you go getting all cocky, Dinozzo, you might want to remember it was actually our newest Probie who broke the case."

"How do you figure that Boss? She sat behind her desk all day." Tony knew where Gibbs was going but he played along anyway. He figured Ziva could use the encouragement.

"Those two were pretty adept at hiding their affair. It would have taken us days to figure it out if it hadn't been for all her digging." Gibbs cast a sidelong glance at Ziva and caught a brief smile before it faded. He hoped his encouragement would make her more comfortable approaching him. He wasn't disappointed. As soon as the others left, she was in front of his desk.

"I was a valuable contributor to this case today, Gibbs," she said.

"That's what I said Ziva. It was good work," he responded.

"Perhaps it was good enough for me to return to field duty?" she questioned. There was the Ziva he had been waiting for all day. The one that was bold enough to go after what she wanted. In all honesty, it was going to be that strong will of hers that ended getting her through this. However, she had to know it wasn't going to be that simple.

"It's not about working hard, Ziva, or your investigative skills. I need to know you can be trusted to follow orders in the field. You can start convincing me of that by explaining why you didn't follow orders yesterday."

After a long silence, Ziva finally spoke, "I do not have an answer, Gibbs."

"Come back when you do. Until then, you're still on desk duty."

Without another word, Ziva grabbed her stuff and practically ran to the elevator. Gibbs knew she didn't have an answer for him because she wouldn't lie and she wasn't ready to tell him the truth either. Damn, he had been hoping she would be able to trust him more than that. Maybe having Vance threaten her position as an agent was backfiring on him. He was tired of second guessing himself with Ziva. Sighing, he wondered if maybe it was time someone who had no say regarding her place on the team tried their hand at playing good cop. Ducky had mentioned his conversation with her earlier. The doctor thought he might have been able to make some progress if they hadn't been interrupted. Gibbs decided he would find a reason to send Ziva down to the morgue tomorrow and alert Ducky that it was okay if he kept her there for awhile. In her early days as a liaison officer, Ziva had often sought Ducky's wisdom on relating to the other members of the team. In particular, she sought his advice when she felt she wasn't succeeding with Gibbs. Maybe she would do it again.


	3. Chapter 3

"Good morning, my hardworking probies, does anyone know why I'm so happy today?" Tony asked.

"Could it have anything to do with the long weekend you've been planning with your college buddies? Cuz you've told us about it like ten times already, Tony. Give it rest," Tim replied.

"That's right, McStuckAtWork, I have tomorrow and Friday off. It's time for my annual mancation. Just me and five other guys hanging out a luxury resort cabin. No wives, no girlfriends, just all the golf, fishing, football, and alcohol we can stand."

"You better not show up hung over on Monday, Dinozzo," Gibbs interjected as he entered the bullpen. "Ziva, Duck's got a file I need on the old Benson case. Go pick it up."

Although he put on a cheerful façade, Tony was frustrated. He really wanted to talk to Ziva before he left town. He had tried no less than ten different times to talk to her about what he was now internally calling "the jumping incident." She was clearly avoiding being alone with him at work and was not returning his calls in the evenings either. He had even tried leaving her a message saying they had a case and she needed to call him about it. He got a text message shortly afterwards that simply said, "I can tell when you are lying." Short of cornering her in the women's restroom, he didn't know what else to do. He was still trying to come up with ideas when he heard Gibbs tell her to go pick something up from Ducky. Tony started to follow and try to trap her in the elevator. Gibbs caught his eye, though, and shook his head. Ducky must have asked the boss to send her down there. That was probably the best thing. Ducky was a neutral party in this whole mess so maybe Ziva might actually talk to him. Tony was glad to see that Gibbs wasn't just ignoring the situation. Tony still disagreed with him keeping Ziva on desk duty. Gibbs usually had his reasons, though, even if everyone else couldn't see them so he kept his mouth shut about it. If Tony had learned anything over the years, it was that the former marine could be trusted. He always acted in his team's best interest even if his methods were a little unorthodox.

Ziva stepped through the doors into autopsy. She was well aware that the errand from Gibbs was merely a ruse to give the medical examiner an opportunity to talk with her. In truth, she had already considered coming to Ducky. It took a lot of strength to stand on your own and she was tired. She was tired of trying so hard only to fail. She was tired of feeling so alone in the world. Most of all, she was tired of feeling as if every day on the team might be her last. She had allowed herself to hope again the previous evening when Gibbs praised her investigative work. She realized now how ridiculous it had been to think that Gibbs would just forget what had happened.

"Ziva, what a pleasant surprise! What brings you down here?" Ducky asked as he saw her approach.

"I have been sent here on pretense of collecting a file for Gibbs so that you may talk to me," Ziva informed him.

"You have always been the astute one, haven't you? Well, then, if you know you are here to talk, you must also know you have time for a cup of tea. Please, sit down and join me." As he poured her tea, Ducky made an attempt to begin the conversation on a more comfortable note. "Speaking of trying to fool you, has Anthony found a way to retaliate for that amusing prank you pulled on him last week?"

That earned him a small smile from Ziva and she replied, "He has not tried anything yet but I am remaining on guard. I think he is waiting until I am no longer on desk duty."

Ducky was pleasantly surprised that she brought up the subject herself rather than waiting for him to approach it. Perhaps she was going to be more receptive to talking about it than he had anticipated.

"Ziva, dear, what happened out there? Why didn't you wait for Anthony's signal as he instructed?"

"Are you asking me as a friend or as a forensic psychologist?"

"Ah, yes, that is an excellent diversion tactic, my dear, but it will not work a second time. I believe I have told you that you are first and foremost my friend."

"I understand that, Ducky, but you are Gibbs's friend as well. I cannot be sure you will not repeat what I say to him. I am sure you would mean well but…"

"In that case, I will be a psychologist and, therefore, bound by doctor/patient privilege. I am prevented by a professional code of ethics from revealing anything you say. Now do you suppose you might be able to tell me what happened?" Ducky asked.

"I do not know."

"Are you saying that you truly don't know what happened or are you still uncomfortable talking with me about it?"

"I really do not know what happened out there, Ducky. I wish I did. I did not mistake another noise for Tony's signal. I did not see the suspect and decide I should go in. It was not intentional. I just went in too soon. It is like that penalty in football. Off sides, I believe it is called."

"I'm afraid I don't understand, dear. You were too close to the goal?"

"Oh no, Ducky, not that football. I meant the other one. _American_ football. Tony made me watch a game on television with him once. He insisted on explaining all the rules. He even recorded it so he could rewind and show me how the plays worked. It was a very long afternoon."

"Well, my dear, I'm afraid I don't really follow that particular sport. You will have to explain this off sides to me. Or I suppose I could ask Anthony but he might find it a bit strange."

"No, I will explain it. To begin a play, both sides line up on the field along a yard line. The offensive team has possession of the ball and the player who holds it is called the center. The player called the quarterback stands behind the center and it is his job to signal when play will begin. He calls the play and then the center gives him the ball. The other offensive players on the front row are called the offensive line, I believe. They are not allowed to move until the quarterback gives the signal. If they do, it is called off sides. If a referee sees it, the team receives a penalty and the play is over. Sometimes the players on the other team will try to trick the offensive players into moving too soon by pretending to move themselves. Other times the crowd noise is too loud and the players cannot hear the signal. Sometimes it just happens, though, for no reason. A player becomes antsy and just move too soon. That is what happened to me."

Ducky found himself highly amused at Ziva's description of the football penalty. She became more animated the longer she talked. By the time she reached the end of her description, she was even providing a physical demonstration. For someone who claimed to not have enjoyed Anthony's football lesson, she had evidently learned a great deal from it. "Have you explained all this to Jethro, my dear?" he asked her.

"I think Gibbs probably already knows the rules of football, Ducky."

"I can see why Anthony believes your use of sarcasm is improving. Have you explained to Gibbs why it appears that you did not follow Anthony's order?"

"If I tell him the truth, he will think that I am not fit to be an agent."

"Oh, I very much doubt that will be the case, dear. I know Jethro has always been hard on his agents but he does not truly expect perfection. He only wants you to learn from your mistakes. You should talk to him, Ziva."

"I do not think that I can, Ducky. I…I do not understand why this happened. He will want me to say that it will not happen again and I cannot be sure of that. I will not lie to him. Once I talk to him, it will be over. There is no way he will keep me on his team."

"Oh, my dear, I think you are greatly underestimating Jethro. Do you trust him, Ziva?"

"Of course I do, Ducky. There is no one I trust more than Gibbs."

"Then why is it so difficult to trust him with this, my dear? No one, least of all Gibbs, expects you to be exactly the same as you were before. Not after the ordeal you have been through. He will understand, Ziva. Perhaps, as your team leader, you will find he might even be able to help you adjust. I am curious, my dear, what would have happened to an operative of Mossad who made a similar mistake?"

"Mistakes were not tolerated in Mossad and especially not by my father."

"Perhaps that is the root of why you are finding it difficult to talk with Gibbs, my dear. For years, you were under the leadership of a man who could not be trusted to have your best interest at heart. There is no gentle way to say this. Your own father chose to send you to your death. Gibbs, on the other hand, always protects his team and I daresay you know that to be true in your head. However, your heart is still full of fear from your past. The only way to overcome it is to face it. You must find the strength to talk to Gibbs. I think once it is over, you will be glad you did."

"I will think about what you have said, Ducky. I should go back upstairs. Even with Gibbs blessing, I have probably stayed too long. Thank you."

Ducky sighed as he watched Ziva leave. He knew when they brought her back that things would never be the same for his favorite team. Ziva was not the only one who would be forever changed by the events of the last six months. Ducky had been surprised when Jethro had called earlier to say he was planning to send her down. The lead agent had always tolerated and even sometimes actually listened to Ducky's unsolicited advice over the years. However, the medical examiner was not sure he could remember a time when Jethro had ever sought out his help in dealing with a member of his team. Nor had he ever seen the man second guess himself as a leader. Yet, he was doing both in an effort to reach Ziva. He still deeply cared for the girl despite all the pain her disloyalty had caused him. Just that alone showed how much Gibbs had managed to work through his own personal demons over the past couple of years.

After sending the rest of the team home a few minutes early, Gibbs headed down to the morgue to try to catch Ducky before he left for the day. Ziva had remained very quiet after returning from the morgue and had seemed lost in her thoughts for the remainder of the day. He hoped that meant Ducky had been successful in getting her to open up to him.

"Hey, Duck, how'd it go with Ziva?"

"Oh, Jethro, I'm afraid our girl is having a very difficult time of it. She did give me a very amusing lesson on American football, though. It was quite adorable really, the way she…"

"Ducky, did she talk to you about what happened out there or not?"

"Ah, yes, that would be the most important thing. As a matter of fact, we did discuss it."

"And?"

"Oh, I am afraid that is doctor/patient privilege," Ducky explained.

"Come again, Duck?"

"Ziva asked to speak with me as a forensic psychologist therefore I must keep everything she said confidential."

"She asked you not to tell me, didn't she? Dammit, Ducky, how the hell am I supposed to get through to her when she won't trust me? I thought after that whole Damocles shit storm we were good. Thought she would know she could come to me with anything."

"Jethro, I know it goes against your nature but you are going to have to be patient with her. You must remember that you are probably the only trustworthy authority figure she has ever had. You expect her to trust you implicitly when all her previous experience tells her she should not. You cannot just walk into her life declaring your trustworthiness and expect that to magically erase the betrayals by others in her past.

"Didn't just walk into her life, Duck. Been part of it for four years now. That should count for something."

"I'm sure it does, Jethro, or she would not be here. She trusts you more than she trusts anyone else. I believe that should count for something as well, don't you?"

When Gibbs reentered the bullpen after his conversation with Ducky, he was surprised to see his senior agent still sitting at his desk.

"Thought you had a plane to catch?"

"My flight's delayed. I don't need to be at the airport for a couple of hours. Look, Boss, maybe I shouldn't go, ya know? You're already down a man with Ziva on desk duty…"

"Vance took us off the rotation. Won't be getting any calls til you get back. Go, Dinozzo. Get away from here. Have fun. You've more than earned it."

"Yea, but, I just…"

"Yea. But. I told you to go. Quit worrying about her, Dinozzo. She'll be here when you get back."

"You sure about that, Boss?"

"I haven't given up on her if that's what you're asking. Not gonna tell you again. Go."

Ziva sat on her bed in her quarters at the navy lodging. She had been there for the last hour thinking about everything Ducky had said to her earlier in the day. Before talking with the medical examiner, she had been convinced that Gibbs would see her as irrevocably damaged once he knew the truth about what happened. In her entire life she had never made a mistake like this. She had always been able to remain calm and in control under the most dire circumstances. It was not surprising considering her father had begun training her at such a young age. By the time she participated in her first official mission with Mossad she had more experience than most senior operatives.

She had made mistakes when she first came to NCIS but never one that could have gotten another team member killed. It would be different if she had done it deliberately. She had disobeyed a direct order once before and disabled a bomb to preserve evidence. Gibbs had been angry, of course, but it was different. As a leader, he could discipline her for deliberately disobeying and have some expectation that it would not happen again. There was no way to fix this. She was not the same. Somewhere along the way she had lost the control she once had and she had no idea how to get it back.

Ziva read an article in a women's magazine once about domestic violence. She remembered the author saying that an abuse victim would never leave a bad situation until the pain of being there became worse than the fear of the unknown. Although obviously not as extreme, she was beginning to think it applied to her current situation. The pain of just sitting and waiting to lose everything once again was becoming greater than her fear of facing Gibbs with the truth. After talking with Ducky, she had a sliver of hope, however small, that Gibbs might actually have a solution that enabled her to stay on the team. And if he did not, there was still a chance that he would not abandon her entirely.

Gibbs had just finished pouring his first bourbon of the evening when he heard the basement door.

"Hello, Gibbs. I am ready to give you an answer."


	4. Chapter 4

Gibbs hadn't stop thinking about his conversation with Ducky. The good doctor's reminder that he was probably Ziva's only trustworthy authority figure struck a chord with him. Had he been as trustworthy as he should have been the last two days? He had done what he thought was necessary to get her to talk. He had deliberately misled her, though, by letting her think her place on the team was in jeopardy. He realized now that it had been the wrong thing to do.

As team leader, he needed his team to believe that he was infallible. It was neither for his ego nor even for his benefit. He needed his team to instinctively trust him, especially in the field. It was how he kept them safe. It was the primary reason for his rule against apologies. He rarely admitted to one of his agents that he was wrong about anything. However, his gut was telling him to draw more on his experience as a parent rather than as a team leader this time.

He allowed his memory to take him back once again to the day he had spent on his own with Kelly. With the discipline issue resolved, they had spent a fun evening together grilling hamburgers, playing in the backyard, and snuggling together while reading bedtime stories. He counted it among one his most precious memories of his little girl. By the time Shannon returned home, Kelly had been fast asleep. When Shannon asked how the day went, he had been honest. He still felt guilty for losing his temper and yelling at Kelly. Shannon, however, had laughed it off. She told him nothing could push your buttons like a kid. When she realized it was really bothering him, though, she had grown very serious.

"My father yelled at us a lot growing up, Jethro, and I never once remember him apologizing even when he was clearly in the wrong. I don't have much of a relationship with him now. It will be different with you and Kelly. You are willing to admit when you are wrong. You know that it's more important for your daughter to know that you love her than for her to believe you are perfect. You are winning your daughter's heart and I love you for it."

Maybe the key to convincing Ziva she could talk to him would be admitting to her that he had been wrong. Maybe it was time to go to her instead of expecting her to trust him enough to come to him. He poured his first bourbon for the evening with the intent of determining what he should say to Ziva. It was then that he heard the basement door.

"Hello, Gibbs. I am ready to give you an answer," Ziva said as she made her way down the stairs.

"Here." he said, handing her the mug of bourbon and reaching to empty a mason jar instead for his own drink.

"Liquid courage, yes?" Ziva said before taking a gulp. She immediately coughed. "Ugh."

"Lose your tolerance?" Gibbs smirked.

"It has been a long time, yes, but perhaps that will make it more effective," she replied, taking a much smaller sip the second time. "Gibbs, I do not…" Ziva started but was immediately interrupted.

"Need to you to listen first, Ziva," Gibbs told her. "You need to know that I screwed this one up. I already know what happened out there."

"Ducky said he would not…" she whispered looking stricken at the possibility that her dear friend had betrayed her confidence.

"Wasn't Ducky. Couldn't get a damn thing outta him. It was Dinozzo. He was pissed at first but he then figured out what really happened. Put it all in his report," Gibbs explained.

Initially, Ziva looked relieved to hear that the doctor had kept her confidence but that quickly changed to confusion and then anger.

"I do not understand. If it was in Tony's report, then why did you accuse me of insubordination? Why did Vance? He threatened to move me to an administrative job, Gibbs."

"Yea, that's what I need to tell you…not exactly sure what Vance said but he was just doing what I asked. Putting a little pressure on you so you would come to me. You bury things, Ziva, and we needed to talk about this..." Gibbs tried to explain but Ziva interrupted.

"A little pressure? How dare you!" she said as slammed the now empty mug down on his work table. "Do you have any idea the hell I have been in for the last two days?"

"Not trying to say it was the right thing to do. I got it wrong but I want you to understand why I did it," Gibbs softly explained.

Ziva began an agitated walk around the perimeter of the basement. She kept her back to him most of the time. He could tell by the amount of stiffness in her posture when the anger finally began to recede a little.

"So, are you going to just sit there and wait for me to talk?" Ziva asked several minutes later when she finally spoke to him again.

"Nope, just waiting til you are ready to listen."

"Well, I am not sure there is anything you can say that will make this better. You manipulated me. You made me feel like I was going to lose everything. I was afraid to come to you, Gibbs, afraid that if you knew the truth, you would not want me on your team anymore."

"You were that scared and you still came tonight." Gibbs said thoughtfully. "That means something. Means a lot to me."

"It means I trusted you. I think…I still trust you even though I do not like what you did." Ziva said.

"Look, I…" Gibbs began but was quickly interrupted.

"No, Gibbs, you wanted me to come to you so now you will listen to me," Ziva interjected. Gibbs successfully hid his amusement. He had the distinct feeling he was about to see Ziva "full of fire."

"I have had a lot of time to think during the last few months. I spent most of that time thinking about the relationships in my life. I have decided that having a relationship with someone is a very messy thing. I think it should be simple but it is not. The people that I care about the most have the most power to hurt me. Even though they may care for me as much as I care for them, sometimes they still hurt me. Mostly, they do not mean to do it, I think. They make mistakes with me just as I make mistakes with them. And that is why I have decided to always look at the motivation behind the action when I am hurt. It is why Eli is dead to me because I cannot trust his motives. I can see now that he only does what is best for him. The opposite is true of you. Your motivation has never been selfish. You may have gotten it wrong this time but you were doing what you thought I needed. That is why I cannot stay angry and that is why I choose to trust you. Ducky helped me see something else today. Even though I know all this sometimes the fear from my past takes over. That is why it has taken two days for me to come to you. It is not because I do not trust you."

He didn't let it show but he was shocked by what Ziva had said. It was not only the openness and honesty in her words but also the amount of wisdom and maturity she had gained. It was rare that someone managed to surprise him but he had definitely underestimated her.

"Ziva…," Gibbs began but was immediately interrupted again.

"I am not finished with what I have to say to you," Ziva declared. This time Gibbs could not disguise his amusement. There was no doubt the fiery side he had expected earlier was coming out now. Ziva continued, "Do not ever do anything like this to me again. It feels like you were playing a game with me and I do not like it. I am tired of games. And do not involve Vance. I do not like him, either. He is a friend to Eli so I cannot trust him even if you do."

"Okay," Gibbs replied with a nod. He rarely tolerated an agent having the audacity to tell him what to do. However, he recognized this for what it was. Ziva was explaining what she needed from him. She felt manipulated and she needed to feel in control of the situation. He decided that disagreeing with her at this point would be unwise. Instead, he changed the subject. "You still trust me enough to tell me what happened out there?"

"I wish I could tell you but I truly do not know what happened. That is the problem," Ziva explained in frustration. "The only way I can explain it is that I was off sides."

Gibbs usually had no trouble following Ziva's English mistakes but this one baffled him.

"Off sides? Not following you."

"Off sides. It is a penalty in American football. It is when the offensive linemen move…"

"I know football, Ziva. Just didn't realize you did."

"Tony," Ziva explained. "He forced me to watch it with him one afternoon and insisted on explaining everything about the game."

"_Forced_ you?" Gibbs said with an amused smirk. By his tone it was obvious he did not think Tony could ever _force_ Ziva to do anything.

"Well, perhaps coerced is the better word…I lost a bet with him."

"Don't wanna know," Gibbs replied and then redirected the conversation back to the matter at hand. "So you just jumped the gun, huh?"

"Yes, and I cannot tell you why. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before, Gibbs. I have always been able to stay in control."

"You aren't the same as you were before, Ziva." Gibbs hated having to tell her that but it something she was going to have to accept.

"So you think I am damaged goods as well," Ziva replied in a soft voice, her face the picture of discouragement.

"Who said that? Vance?"

"Yes."

"Leon's on your side, Ziva, but he's never going to be one to blow sunshine up your ass."

"Blow _what_? Gibbs, I have no idea what that means but it sounds perverted," Ziva replied.

Gibbs chuckled, "Haven't heard that one before, huh? Means he isn't gonna say things just to make you feel good. He's just going to call it like he sees it even if it hurts."

"I am more concerned with how you see it," Ziva replied.

"And if it hurts?"

"It will not be the first time. I prefer that you are honest with me."

"I think you will be one hell of agent someday, Ziva, but you've got a tough road ahead of you to get there. The last four years don't count. Like it or not, whatever the hell Saleem did to you over there changes things. I'm not saying it's fair. It's just the way it is. You can accept that and be a probie or you can do something else. It's your choice."

"I do not want to do anything else. I want to be an agent on your team," Ziva declared, determined to convince him.

"You're sure?" Gibbs questioned her.

"Why are asking me this? I gave up everything to be here. I left Mossad and severed my relationship with my father. I can never see the rest of my family, my friends, or my birth place again. I would not have done that if I were not sure. How could you think I do not want this?"

"I am not talking about choosing to stay with us, Ziva. You belong to us now. I'm not letting you go. I want to make sure you are clear on that. You don't have to be an agent to be part of us, though. Abs isn't an agent. Neither is Ducky. You can be whatever you want and you'll still be one of us."

"You are making sure I know I have a choice, yes? Because Eli never gave me one. Well, it is my choice to be an NCIS special agent, Gibbs. It is what I want."

"Tell me why, Ziva. Why do you want it?"

"You think I am just choosing it because it is the only thing I know. That is not true. Have I ever told you my favorite quote?" When Gibbs shook his head, she continued, "'All that is required for evil to triumph is that good men do nothing.' I refuse to do nothing, Gibbs. When I was twelve years old, my best friend and his family were killed by an Israeli missile strike. It hit their hotel while they were vacationing. I could not understand what happened. They were Muslim but they were a kind and generous family who never hurt anyone. My mother was forced to explain collateral damage to a child. Do you know what I told her? I told her that I was going to change it. I was going to find a way to stop the evil that killed my friend. Eli may have twisted that desire into something else but it was mine to begin with. It is one of the few things that I know for certain about who I am now. I will do something, Gibbs. I will fight the evil that inhabits men like Saleem. I prefer to do it here, with you, with a leader and a team that I know I can trust. But if you do not want me then I will find a way to do it somewhere else."

"I want you on the team, Ziva. Hell, we need you on the team but it isn't going to be easy for any of us. You've got some hard work to do and it isn't going to feel good. Maybe not for a long time. I just need to know that it's worth it to you."

"It is," Ziva assured him.

"Alright. If you want this, you are going to have to accept that you have limitations now. I know you don't like hearing it but you are different. We all screwed up this time by expecting you to be the same. You jumping the gun was not entirely your mistake. Dinozzo should have kept you with him and sent McGee around back. I should have made sure Dinozzo knew to do it that way. Fact is, McGee is the more experienced agent now and you are just a rookie. You'll get there but it will take time."

"Please do not blame Tony or anyone else for this, Gibbs. I am the one who screwed up."

"I didn't blame him, Ziva. He owned it. If it makes you feel better, it impressed Vance that he took responsibility."

"I do not like being a rookie. I have never been in this position before. Eli trained me for Mossad since the day I was born."

Ziva paused but Gibbs could tell she wasn't finished. Something else was bothering her. He suspected that he knew what it was. Gibbs had thought about how to handle this part of the conversation for two days. He needed to give Ziva back some of the confidence she had lost.

"What if I cannot get my control back, Gibbs? What if it is gone forever?" she asked him.

"You worried you won't make it? Because I don't have any doubts. Not if you want it as bad as you say you do. Tell me something. You worked with Jenny in Egypt, right? Did you think she was a good agent?" Gibbs asked, taking the conversation in a slightly different direction.

"She was a very good agent. Probably one of the best I have ever worked with. Outside of our team, of course," Ziva responded.

"She tell you much about her early days as an agent?"

"Um…only that you were a good teacher," Ziva told him, clearly uncomfortable with where the conversation had gone.

"Guessing I'd rather not know what else she told you about me?" he replied.

"It is probably best left in the past, yes."

"Ever end up in a fire fight when you were working with her?"

"Yes, she was a strong ally in a gun battle." By this time Ziva had an idea where Gibbs might be going with this.

"Wasn't always that way, ya know. Couldn't shoot worth a damn when she started out. I don't mean she couldn't handle a gun. Her father taught her that. She could beat out almost anyone on the gun range. But when it came to a live fight, she just couldn't take the kill shot. Had to keep her close for a long time. Make sure she didn't end up in a situation she couldn't handle. But she learned. She was determined to learn. Most stubborn damn woman I ever…" Gibbs trailed off a little and then switched gears again. "Thing was, she was too stubborn. Had too much pride to tell me it was still hard for her to take the shot up close. I didn't follow up when she needed it and she hid it from me that she hadn't been able to complete her kill."

"That is the reason she was murdered, yes? Because she left that woman alive?" Ziva asked.

"Yea." Gibbs paused briefly before continuing. "Ziva, I don't want to lose you the way I lost her. You're strong. One of the strongest people I know. That's how I know you're gonna make it but you're gonna have to focus that strength on the right things. You're gonna have to be strong enough to ask for help when you need it. Strong enough to admit when something is wrong or too much for you to handle."

"You are right. This is not going to feel good. I am not used to needing help. Not like this," Ziva lamented.

"It won't always be this way. And it won't be this way with everything, either. There's nothing wrong with your investigative skills. First case back, you basically solved the damn thing without leaving your desk. The field's a different story, though. You've got to be willing to follow my lead and Dinozzo's too even if it feels like we've got you on a short leash. If you want back out there, I need to know you can do that. I already lost you once. Not going through that again."

"I will do whatever is necessary to make this work, Gibbs."

"Alright. You're back in the field starting on Tuesday."

"Tuesday? Why Tuesday? Why not tomorrow?" Ziva asked in a tone that was more puzzled than argumentative.

"Penalty for off sides is five yards," he explained. When Ziva still looked confused, he added, "Five yards, five days."

"I should kill Tony for making me watch that stupid game," Ziva muttered before she turned toward the stairs. As she reached the first step, Ziva turned back to tell him, "You know, Gibbs, for someone who tells it like it is, you are not so bad at blowing sunshine." She had almost reached the top of the stairs when Gibbs called out to her.

"Ziver…sorry."

* * *

A/N: The inspiration for the "sunshine up your…" expression actually came from a line in the 1986 movie _Top Gun_. It occurs in a scene between the commanding officer, Viper, and pilot, Maverick. Viper is addressing Maverick's lack of confidence after the accident that killed his co-pilot. As one kind reviewer (thanks, _ltjvt1026_**) **pointed out, the expression is more commonly said "smoke up your…" It is possible that there is more than one way to say it. However, given the nature of the _Top Gun_ scene, it would also make sense if Viper had changed the expression intentionally. I guess that would make it a little OC for Gibbs to say it that way. It would have fit more with Tony saying it as a movie quote. Oh, well…hey wait, I've got it. Gibbs has been married four times, right? He has to have been stuck watching the movie at least once. After all, there aren't many heterosexual women who were alive in 1986 who aren't fans of that volleyball scene. (I'm showing my age a little here so if you have no idea what I'm talking about just do a search on youtube for "Top Gun volleyball scene." Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer back in the day and all sweaty and shirtless. It's a classic.)


	5. Chapter 5

With the team off the call rotation, the rest of the week was very quiet. By Friday morning, Gibbs had given up on expecting McGee and Ziva to do any real work. He smiled as he noticed Ziva downloading information on obtaining U.S. citizenship. He even turned a blind eye when she printed the flash cards needed to study for the civics portion of the naturalization test. As noon approached, he told his agents to go out for lunch.

McGee watched Ziva eagerly eating her large Philly cheese steak sandwich. She hadn't paused once since unwrapping it. "Missed those, huh?" Tim asked.

She nodded her response since her mouth was full. Tim waited until she was finally finished before trying to start any real conversation. "So, Gibbs is an uncharacteristically good mood. Sending us to lunch and all. He hasn't even said anything about me being on the internet all morning."

"I talked with him yesterday. About what happened on Monday. You were right. He was…understanding. He is letting me back in the field next Tuesday," Ziva replied.

"Why Tuesday? Why not Monday when we start getting cases again?" Tim asked.

"It has to do with football and a bet I lost with Tony. It is not worth explaining."

"You know, I've been thinking about Tony," Tim started.

"Really, McGee? I did not know you felt that way about him," Ziva teased.

"Cute, Ziva. What I was trying to say is I don't think you should wait until he retaliates to pull another prank."

"You have something in mind then?"

"Not anything new but have you ever heard that saying? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…"

"Shame on me," Ziva finished for him. "I think you are right about pranking him again. He will not be quite so gullible this time, though, so we will need to watch carefully for the right opportunity. I suppose I should feel guilty for doing it. He took the responsibility for what happened on Monday in his report."

"Don't feel guilty. There are plenty of other reasons why he deserves it. So, he took responsibility, huh?"

"Yes, he said he should have kept me with him and sent you around back," Ziva explained.

"How do you feel about that? I mean, it's kinda the opposite of how it's always been. Are you okay with that?" Tim asked.

"I understand why it is necessary but it is not easy. I am different and that makes the team different. I wish it were not that way," Ziva told him.

"It's worth it, though, you know. Having you back. It's worth it no matter how hard it is. It just didn't work without you here," Tim said earning one of Ziva's rare but brilliant smiles.

The team made it until Sunday before Vance had to renege on his agreement to keep them off the call rotation. An admiral's teenage daughter had missed her curfew Saturday night. After a few hours of searching on their own, the frantic parents called Vance for help. Gibbs had fought against interrupting Tony's vacation but there was an admiral involved. Gibbs gut was telling him this was not foul play but just an instance of old fashioned rebellion. Although Vance was inclined to trust Gibbs's gut this time, he didn't think it was a wise career move to not have the full team on the case. Consequently, Vance had threatened to call Tony himself if Gibbs didn't do it. Tony had caught the earliest flight back Sunday morning and made it to the office about nine o'clock. He had only fallen asleep about two hours before he got the call and had to leave for the airport less than thirty minutes later. As a result, he was a hung over disheveled mess. He had barely sat down at his desk before Ziva was standing in front of it.

"Tony, I wish to talk with you. Privately," she stated.

This is just great, Tony thought. A woman wanting to talk was not his idea of a good start to the day. Especially a day that had begun less than three hours after the previous one had ended. Thank God he only met up with those guys once a year. He was definitely getting too old for this. The hangovers hurt worse and lasted a lot longer than they used to.

"Can't you see this isn't really the best time? I'm a little hung over here, Probie. Let's do this later." Tony was hoping he could at least put her off until he had downed a few more cups of coffee.

"I noticed the hangover. The porcuswine look is even worse now that your hair is longer. It is fine if you do not want to talk now. I see you are almost finished with that rather large cup of coffee. I am sure you will need the men's room soon. We will talk then."

"Alright, fine. We'll talk now. Come on," Tony said as he got up and rounded the corner to the alcove by the stairs. He really wasn't up for this at the moment but he also didn't want her following him into the restroom again.

They stared at each other in silence for a few moments before Tony finally spoke. "You called this little meeting, Probie. It's your move."

"I wish to talk to you about last Monday," Ziva paused for a moment before continuing. "I do not know what happened to me out there. I guess I was off sides. Like in that football game you made me watch. I wish I could tell you it will not happen again but I cannot be sure that is true. This is hard for me. I am used to always being in control," Ziva explained.

"So, you're admitting you jumped the gun, huh? Well, I figured that out about three hours after it happened, Probie. I tried to talk to you about it, remember? You've been blowing me off til now. Look, it's a common rookie mistake. Not that you are really a rookie, exactly, but you know what I mean. Seriously, it's my fault for putting you around back by yourself in the first place. I should've been able to tell you were on edge and I missed it."

"Yes, Gibbs told me that you took responsibility in your report. You did not need to do that but…thank you."

She looked so earnest about the whole thing that Tony almost wanted to laugh. It really wasn't funny, though. He wished for once she could just give herself permission to be human and make a mistake. That was probably impossible, though, since her father had forced her to basically be inhuman most of her life.

"Look, it's done. Just try to let it go, okay? Move on from here. You'll get it back, Probie." At her nod, he continued, "So off sides, huh? Does that mean you actually listened to me when I explained football? I'm glad to see my tutoring is paying off. How about we focus on basketball next?"

"I do not need another sports lesson from you, Tony. Thank you," Ziva spat back.

Yup, just the reaction he was hoping to get. He had succeeded at making her irritated at him rather than leaving her feeling embarrassed about being treated like a rookie. Plus, there was the added benefit of getting her riled up. He had really missed pushing her buttons. It was just too much fun. Well, unless you went too far and she pulled her knife on you. That could certainly take the fun out of it.

"What do you need from me then, hmm? You seem tense. How about a little massage? I've been told I'm really good with my hands," Tony boasted.

Okay, that might be pushing it. It was her fault, though. She was the one who insisted on talking after he'd had less than three hours of sleep and God only knows how much alcohol still left in his system.

"Tony, could you please try to be serious for just one minute? This is important to me. I want to ask you one more time to please stop calling me Probie. If you agree, I will give you the recipe for my secret hangover cure," Ziva offered.

She was practically begging. Even hung over Tony could figure out that there was more to this than just not wanting to be treated like the newbie. "Okay, tell me why it's so important to you and maybe I will stop," he replied.

"What is it with you and Gibbs having to know why about everything? Is it too much to ask for you to just do this because it is what I want? You know what? Just forget it. I can live with Probie."

"Wow, somebody _really_ doesn't want to answer the question. You realize this means I'll never give up until I get an answer, right? I can be very persistent. It is one of the best qualities you can find in a skilled investigator like myself. Not to mention I'm an excellent interrogator. I will get it out of you, _Probie_. "

"I do not think so, Tony. I have faced much worse than you. I do not wish to tell you the reason because it is ridiculous. It is…irrational and I am usually a very rational person."

Either the hangover was messing with his perception or she had just added a little fuel to the fire. He wondered if she had intentionally let it slip that she had an emotional reason for disliking the nickname. Even if it was unintentional, he knew that on some level she really wanted or needed for him to keep digging.

"You're a woman. It's your prerogative to be irrational sometimes. Just tell me and get it over with. You'll feel so much better," Tony continued to goad her.

"You are such a chauvinist, Tony."

"Okay, I see how it is. We're back to name calling. If that's how you want it, _Probationist_, I'm good with that. Of course, if you'd rather be called Ziva, all you have to do is answer that one little question. Is it really that hard?" He wasn't kidding when he told her was persistent. He didn't expect to win quickly, though, so what she said next caught him completely off guard.

"What was the first question Saleem asked you?" Whoa, that was not what he expected at all. Hung over and talking about Somalia had the potential to go very badly for him. He could tell she was going somewhere important, though, so he answered her honestly.

"He wanted to know who I was and why I was there," he replied.

"It was the same for me. I told him my name and it was the only thing I told him. It was also the last time anyone said my name for a very long time. They called me many things but Ziva was never one of them. It was like I was not a person. Like I did not even exist anymore. You thought I was dead and in a way I was. When you said my name, it was the first time I heard it spoken aloud for almost four months. I want you to call me Ziva because it reminds me that I am no longer there. It makes me feel like I am home. Like I matter again. For some reason, that is especially true when you are the one to say it. I do not know why. Now, do you see why I did not want to tell you? That is pathetic, yes?" Ziva refused to meet Tony's eyes.

These were not the kinds of things they normally said to each other. Tony could only think of a handful of times she had come close to sharing anything this personal. Most of those times, he had blown it with his response. He decided that wasn't going to happen today. If she could find the courage to put herself out there like that, then he would do it too.

"I don't know. I think maybe it isn't any more pathetic than why I like calling you Probie so much. It means you are a real honest-to-God agent now. Not an outsourced temporary. You want to be here permanently. To be an American. And we get to keep you. You can't be called back to Israel. No one can take you away from us. You are ours now and we are never going to lose you again."

Ziva seemed thoughtful and then offered, "Maybe we need a compromise, yes? You may still call me Probie as long as you promise to call me Ziva part of the time as well. How do you say it? We will split the difference."

"Or I've got a better idea. Maybe I could combine the two. You know, call you Probzi….uh, yea, that sounded way better in my head. My head which is still very hung over, by the way, so anytime you want to cough up that recipe…" Tony continued before Ziva interrupted him.

"Tony, that is the stupidest name I have ever heard. If you ever call me that, I will shoot you."

Gibbs rounded the corner to find his two agents exchanging mock glares.

"You two get back to work. We've got a missing kid to find. Thought I told you not to come back hung over, Dinozzo?" Gibbs said after getting a good look at his senior agent.

"Technically, you said not to come back hung over on _Monday_, Boss. This is Sunday, remember?" Dinozzo replied earning a head-slap in the process. It was a little gentler than usual, though. Even Gibbs could sympathize with a bad hangover.

They had only been back at their desks a few minutes when Gibbs got a phone call. "Local LEOs spotted the girl's SUV in a park in Fairfax," Gibbs informed them. "Grab your gear. Let's go."

Tim was the first one up and ran to call the elevator for everyone else. Tony moved much more slowly to grab his stuff and Ziva remained focused on her computer.

"What are you doing, David? I said grab your gear," Gibbs growled.

"But you said I was not off desk duty until Tuesday. I thought…" Ziva started to explain.

"You two act like we've never worked a weekend before. I said MOVE!"

"I am right behind you."

"On your six, Boss."

Gibbs smiled as he entered the elevator. He didn't need to turn around to know that the two agents behind him were smiling as well.

"So, _Ziva_, about this hangover cure of yours…" Tony began and then flinched as she stuck a cup of foul smelling liquid in front of his face. Apparently, she already had it prepared before she asked him to talk with her. "Thanks, _Probie_!" he said with a smile before taking a big gulp. "Hey, wait, this isn't going to turn my mouth blue is it?"

"Um, no, Tony, not _blue_…" Tim explained as he shared a devious smile with his co-conspirator.


	6. Chapter 6

Tony's heart beat rapidly but he held his body perfectly still. He deliberately chose to ignore the ice cold feeling of the gun barrel pressed against his temple and the gagging sensation of the chokehold around his neck. Instead, he remained focused on his partner's face as she stood a mere twenty feet away. Ziva's hands remained steady as she pointed her gun at the man who held him. It was her eyes, though, that enabled Tony to remain completely calm. He saw no uncertainty or panic in them but only a question for him. She was controlled, focused, and waiting for his signal.

"You might want to think about this," he told his captor. He continued in a matter of fact tone, "She'll take the shot if I tell her to do it and she doesn't miss."

"Oh now, you won't do that, will you, honey? You'll be signing his death warrant. Now be a good girl and put down your gun and I might let your partner here stay alive," was the response.

"This is your last chance. Drop the gun or I tell her to shoot," Tony said giving the unbalanced man one final opportunity to save himself. A very long minute passed and the gun remained at Tony's head. Tony's eyes remained fixed on Ziva's and he gave her a very slight nod. He had no time to brace himself before he was jerked backwards and then the arm around his neck went limp. He struggled to remain upright and somehow managed to keep his balance. He turned to look at the man on the floor and found a bullet hole perfectly centered in his forehead.

"Nice shot, Probie," Tony said quietly with no hint of celebration in his voice. The kill may have been completely justified but a U.S. marine still lay dead at his feet. "You alright?"

"Of course. It was necessary," Ziva replied in a voice completely devoid of emotion. At Tony's questioning glance, she added, "I am fi..."

"Uh, uh, uh, remember what I said about that word, Probie?" Tony reminded her. It had been a joke in the beginning. He had banned probies from using the word fine for anything other than describing an attractive woman. Ziva had quickly amended the rule to include attractive men as well. More than once over the last month he had used the ban as a catalyst to draw out Ziva's true feelings as they navigated the uncertain new team dynamic. "It's your first kill shot since you've been back, Ziva."

"And it is too soon to tell you how I feel about it. It just happened. I am numb. Are _you_ alright, Tony? That is not any of your blood on your face is it?" Ziva asked much more concerned about him than herself.

"I'm fi—not hurt," he corrected himself in response to her pointed look. "Wasn't even worried. I could tell you had it under control, Ziva. Wish it hadn't gone down this way, though. Guy needed some serious help."

"You two alright? What happened, Dinozzo? He force you to shoot?" Gibbs asked as he and McGee entered the room. Tony could tell by Tim's heavy breathing that they must have come running at the sound of the gunshot.

"He surprised us. Got me in a chokehold. Put his gun to my head. Ziva took him down. We're good," Tony answered as Ziva handed Gibbs her gun for evidence. Gibbs studied her face briefly but didn't comment on what he saw.

"You two head back and get it written up. Go home when you're done. We'll wait for Duck," Gibbs told them. As they left, he added, "Ziva, don't forget to schedule your mandatory psych eval." He gave her a look of sympathy that told her talking to pysch services was clearly not his favorite thing to do either.

Six hours later Ziva sat in her new efficiency apartment. The sum total of her furnishings consisted of an air mattress, a lamp and a few essential kitchen items. She had spent most of the victim assistance money NCIS had given her replacing her wardrobe and other personal items like make-up and toiletries. Mossad had reimbursed her for the contents of her destroyed apartment back in May but that money had gone into her bank account in Israel. The bank had mysteriously frozen it the day after Ben-Gidon departed Washington without her. She had survived on what money her aunt had been able to wire her after that. She had just received her first NCIS paycheck when Vance had informed her that as a paid employee she needed to vacate the Navy lodging. She was too proud to tell him or anyone else that she barely had the money left for the necessary deposits to get an apartment. The questionable neighborhood and small living space of her new accommodations did not bother her, though.

She found the strength to accept help on the job because she knew it was necessary. However, she refused to do the same in her personal life. As Eli David's daughter she had never wanted for material things. They had often come at the price of unconditional obedience on her part but they had always been there. She knew that her father was punishing her by making her struggle financially. He probably thought she would give up and come back to him but he was severely underestimating her. She wanted to laugh at the irony. Her air mattress, pillow, and soft blanket were absolute heaven compared to the dirt floor of Saleem's camp. Just having a bathroom, no matter how small, was a cherished luxury. Hungry or not, knowing there was food available in her refrigerator gave her peace. Her time in Somalia had taught her how little she needed to survive. It guaranteed that Eli's strategy would fail.

Unfortunately, the simplicity of her apartment left her with no means of distracting herself from the events earlier that morning. She still felt nothing. A year ago that would not have concerned her. She had followed orders and the orders were clearly justified. Somehow, she expected it to be different now. A marine was dead because of her. He was a mentally unstable marine who had threatened to kill her partner but he was still dead. It seemed like she should feel something for him. She did not want to think about what it meant that she did not.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door. She was relieved to find it was Gibbs and not one of the other team members. She knew she could count on him not to comment on the sparseness of her apartment. Tony would have teased her and then awkwardly tried to do something about it. The others would have felt sorry for her before they also insisted on helping. She knew they would have been motivated by their concern for her. They would not understand that she needed to succeed on her own in this area of her life. Gibbs would understand it, though.

"Thought I'd come to you this time, Ziver," Gibbs said as he walked through the door.

"That is good because you would have waited until tomorrow for me to come to you. I am saving for a down payment on a car and I would not have spent the money on cab fare to your house. Not for this. I am fine," Ziva informed him.

"You get the psych eval out of the way yet?" he responded. He deliberately chose not to comment on her obvious financial challenges.

"Yes, I said all the obligatory things about how it never feels good to shoot someone but it was necessary and so on. She was satisfied, I think."

"They usually are when it's a clean shoot. I read your reports. He made a choice to die, Ziva."

"Suicide by cop, yes? I know that. Tony gave him every chance to save himself. We both wish it could have been different but it is what it is. We cannot change it." Even as she said it, she knew Gibbs could see through her feigned nonchalance.

"Something still bothering you? You think Dinozzo made a bad call?" Gibbs questioned her.

"No, of course not. The man had a gun to Tony's head. Tony followed protocol perfectly. We had no choice," Ziva replied.

"Yea, you did. You could have chosen not to follow orders. You made the right choice."

"Yes and I do not regret it…yet…I feel as if I should. A man is dead. A man who was sick and needed help and did not get it. I…" Ziva trailed off, unable to put her thoughts into words.

"You aren't able to regret saving your partner's life," Gibbs clarified for her. "That doesn't make you a cold blooded killer, Ziva. Just makes you human. You care about Dinozzo. You didn't even know this man. You're not glad he's dead. You'd change it if you could."

"I did not think, Gibbs. I just blindly followed Tony's orders. Orders to kill. I do not know how I feel about that."

"Wasn't blind Ziva. You made a choice to trust Dinozzo before today. Can't make that kind of choice in the middle of the situation. Gotta make it long before. You regret trusting your partner?" Gibbs asked.

"No. Absolutely not. Tony is trustworthy. He did not wish for that man to die. He would never make that call unless it was absolutely necessary. He would only kill if he felt he had no other choice," Ziva explained.

"Good. You kept your control today," Gibbs said switching directions.

"Yes, I did, but I was not alone. I was focused on Tony. He was the one in control. I do not know if it would have been the same if I were by myself. I have been thinking about what Ducky said to me before. About how my past experience can distort the way I see things now. The last time I was truly on my own was when I went after Saleem. I think that might be why I moved in too soon before," Ziva said and then reluctantly added, "I do not think I am ready to be alone again. Not yet."

"Glad you see it that way cuz you're not going to be out there alone anytime soon."

After Gibbs left, Ziva could not stop herself from thinking about their conversation. She wondered if Gibbs realized the significance of what she had said to him about Tony. He probably did not. I truly believe Tony would never kill if given any other possible choice, she thought.

She had told Tony that it did not matter how things had worked out for Michael and she meant it. The hours alone in Somalia had given her much time to think. She had realized then that Tony had not acted out of jealousy. His motivation had simply been his concern for her. He was watching her back as a good partner should and for that reason she had been willing to forgive him for killing Michael. It was a forgiveness that had been strengthened when Tony once again risked everything to rescue her in Somalia. She had not been certain that he made the right call with Michael, though, until tonight. By his actions, Michael must have led Tony to believe he would not stop until one of them was dead. Tony had been left with no choice. He had done what was necessary to stay alive. She realized now that there had been nothing to forgive.

Talking with Gibbs had helped alleviate the nagging concern she had over her feelings about the dead marine. However, it did not stop her from reliving the shooting itself. She tried to find a way to distract herself but was unsuccessful. She kept picturing the gun against Tony's head. This morning she had refused to let herself feel anything and instead had fallen back on the years of training ingrained in her. She had done so without thinking because it was necessary to save Tony's life. Now that Tony was safe, she was free to feel. Most of her feelings had nothing to do with the events of today, though. In her mind, the hand that held the gun to Tony's head did not belong to a mentally ill marine. It belonged to a deranged terrorist. And instead of saving Tony as she had done today, she was powerless to stop his death.

She could not find a way to banish that image or the feeling of helplessness that came with it. I need to know he is alright, she thought. She was resigned to waiting until she saw him at his desk the next morning, though. Although things had gradually grown less awkward between them, she was still not comfortable just picking up the phone and calling for no reason. She needed a reason and she did not know what to say. She contemplated just hanging up after hearing his voice but he would know it was her. She had seen the look on his face when she brought up Somalia a few weeks ago. He obviously still felt uncomfortable with the things he had said to her while influenced by the truth serum. And it had been just as awkward for her to admit an emotional weakness to him that day. What could she say to him now that would not be equally uncomfortable for both of them?

She had just settled onto her air mattress when someone again knocked on her door. It was Tony. Her first thought was that she no longer had to worry about giving into the temptation to call for no reason. Her second was that he was going to get a firsthand view of her financial situation.

"Hey, just wanted to see if you are still numb cuz if you're not, I brought this" Tony said holding up the bottle of wine he held in his left hand. "It's not the boss's bourbon but it'll do. This six pack seems to be working just fine for me." In his right hand, he held his favorite beer.

"Clearly, that is not your first six pack of the evening," Ziva said taking the wine and heading into the kitchen. It was then that she realized she had no corkscrew. "Thank you for the wine, Tony, but you may have to share your beer. I do not have a corkscrew yet."

"What? Oh, yea, well a Dinozzo is always prepared," he gloated, revealing his key chain which contained both a corkscrew and a bottle opener. He promptly used the corkscrew to open the wine for her.

"You are always prepared? How very McGeeish of you," Ziva teased, parroting an insult he had often used on her.

"Hey, we're not talking about a flashlight and matches here. No nerdy poncho or anything. This is the cool kind of prepared," Tony defended.

"Oh, yes, that key chain is very cool. I will have to get one," Ziva replied with a smirk.

"Looks like that's not all you still need to get," Tony said after finally taking a good look around. "Although the minimalist thing is kinda in. Ya know, simplify your life and all that. I can see how you might be into it. Kinda fits with the whole idea of starting over. You do know you don't have to literally be tired and poor to become an American, right?"

"Is that it Tony? Or is there more? Because I would prefer you just get it all out at once and then we can move on to a different topic."

"Seriously, Ziva, you know Gibbs has a truck and McGee and I would be happy to…" Tony began before Ziva interrupted him.

"Thank you, Tony, but that is not necessary. When I am ready to buy furniture, I am sure I can have it delivered."

Ziva watched with trepidation as Tony finally made the connection and realized it was a financial issue. She was surprised when he merely told her not forget that they would be happy to help if she purchased something that couldn't be delivered.

"So, I guess I can just sit anywhere then? This is like the perfect place for drinking, you know. Don't have far to go when you're ready to a pass out," Tony said as he sat down on the carpet with his back against one of the empty walls. He put his six pack next to him and pulled out a bottle. He gave Ziva a "see how brilliant I am" grin as he used his key chain to pop off the top.

"You are not passing out in my apartment, Tony. In fact, please tell me you did not drive here because I plan to send you home in cab long before you pass out."

"Kidding, Ziva. It's just beer and I really only had one before I got here. But I did take a cab over just in case," he teased. "Come on, bring your wine and join me."

After grabbing a glass from the cabinet, Ziva dropped gracefully down on the patch of carpet next to Tony's beer. She mimicked his position leaning against the wall and watched him warily as she poured her wine. She was not quite sure why he was here. Seeing him in her apartment had at least temporarily erased the image of his near death from her head, though. They drank in silence for awhile before Tony finally spoke.

"So, I guess you're wondering why I'm here. I, um, just wanted to see if you're still numb. Because it kinda started to hit me when I got home so I thought maybe it was the same for you. You saved my life today, Ziva, but don't expect me to say thank you. I don't need to because that's what partners do, right? Watch each other's backs. You definitely had my back today. Still feel sorry for that poor son of bitch, though. So are you? Still numb, I mean," Tony said.

"No, Tony, I am no longer numb."

"So what are you then, Ziva?"

Ziva debated for a few minutes and then decided to be honest. There was always a chance Tony would get passed out drunk and forget this conversation before morning. If not, well, they were going to have to face the uncomfortable sometimes. It is part of who they are now whether they want it to be or not.

"I am grateful that I did not have to watch you die today," Ziva told him.

"Awww, I'm touched, Probie. I knew you liked having me around. Don't worry. I'm like a cat. I have nine lives. I'm indestructible. I've been chained up in a sewer. I've had the plague. Been tied to a chair and beat on by a psychopath. Actually I've done that one twice now. See? Indestructible," he teased her.

"Yes, well, I may actually believe that is true. But that does not mean I like being helpless while someone is trying to destroy you," Ziva replied.

"What do you mean? You weren't helpless. You had a gun on the guy the whole time. Do you mean you didn't like waiting for my signal to take him out?" was Tony's confused response.

"No, Tony. I was not talking about today. I...I am no longer numb because I have been thinking about the past. I thought Saleem was going to kill you…and McGee and I would have been unable to stop him. That is what I meant by feeling helpless." Ziva stared straight ahead as she spoke. She did not want to see Tony's reaction to her words.

"I could tell, you know, that you didn't trust me to get us out of there. It sucked at first because you always had confidence in me before I shot Rivkin. But then I realized what it really was. Saleem must have seemed all powerful to you by then. After all that time with him."

Ziva was grateful that Tony did not look at her as they spoke. He didn't push her to talk anymore either but just quietly waited for her response. "He controlled everything. It was his decision if I ate. If I slept. If I stayed in my cell or if I left it. I did not believe he could be defeated by anyone. When that hood came off and I saw you…I was convinced Saleem had the power to destroy everything I ever cared about. I would have told him anything, done anything he wanted to save you."

"I know. I wanted to tell you that we had a real plan but I just couldn't take that risk. I am sorry, Ziva. Sorry I had to let you think we were going to die. And I'm sorry we didn't find you sooner."

"But you found me. That is the important thing. And I am grateful even if it did not seem that way at the time. I just…"

"Stop right there, Probie. You weren't about to say thank you, were you? Because I told you partners don't have to do that, remember?"

"Is that another new rule?" Ziva teased back with a bittersweet smile.

"You bet. It's a Dinozzo rule. Just like not saying fine. I know as a new agent it's a lot to remember but you'll get all the rules down eventually."

"That is doubtful, Tony, since you keep making them up as you go along."

"That's a senior field agent's prerogative, Probie. Someday, if you work real hard, it'll be your turn to torture the new probationary agent. Until then you are at my mercy, remember?" he continued to tease her. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Tony finally said, "Well, since I don't want my little probie all tired out tomorrow I better take off. You good? Going to be able to sleep tonight?"

"Yes. The wine will help. You did not have a problem with me saying thank you for that I noticed."

"Well, I spent the extra dough for the kind with a cork instead of a screw top. I'd be offended if you hadn't said thank you. Oh, and I forgot one."

"Forgot one what?"

"One of the ways I almost died. I was nearly poisoned by a hangover remedy," Tony said with a fake scowl.

"Tony, that was _not_ poison. It was food coloring. And it helped your hangover, did it not?"

"My headache was gone but my mouth was green. Don't think the admiral would've appreciated that if he had seen it."

"Yes, that is why I had a new toothbrush in my backpack for you. Stop whining, Tony. You are just angry that we got you with the same prank twice. It has been month and you still have not gotten revenge," Ziva pointed out.

"Well, Probie, you never know when that will change," Tony warned as he opened her door.

Ziva leaned against the door as Tony stepped outside. She hesitated but then gave voice to her thoughts. "Will it be awkward for us tomorrow?"

"Why? Because talked about what we never talk about? Nah, I'll just think of something goofy and obnoxious to do and you will pretend it's annoying as hell when you really think it's adorable," Tony told her with a grin.

"Situation normal, yes?" Ziva replied giving him a small smile in return.

"Yea, something like that. Night, Ziva. See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Tony, and thank you again for the _expensive_ wine."

Tony hit the enter button on his keyboard. Sipping his coffee, he waited patiently for the results of his search. He still had plenty of time before McGee or Ziva would arrive. He wasn't sure about Gibbs. He didn't mind if the boss caught him, though, since he had every intention of sharing the results with their fearless leader. After returning from Ziva's apartment, he had spent most of the night tossing and turning in his bed. He had tried hard to keep Ziva from realizing how deeply appalled he was at her current living conditions. It wasn't as if she were starving or living in filth or anything but she had nothing. It just seemed so completely unfair after everything else she had been through. Lost in his thoughts, he hadn't heard Gibbs approach his desk. He was startled to find his boss standing there staring at him intently.

"There a reason you're here so early, Dinozzo?" Gibbs asked.

"Just something I wanted to do before everyone else got here, Boss," Tony explained.

"Everyone else being McGee and Ziva?"

"Yea, Boss, uh, I think you should see this. I went by Ziva's new place and, well, I just had to know. I mean, she's got, like, nothing, Boss. A tiny apartment with just an air mattress and a lamp. And it's not exactly in the best neighborhood either."

"I been there too, Dinozzo. You wanna tell me why you think this is any of your business?"

"I was just worried. She didn't live like that before. She was careful with her money, yea, but she had nice stuff. Anyway, I ran a check on her financial records. She's got one checking account in Washington and the balance is just under five hundred dollars. Looks like it was opened in September. Everything else she had in the U.S. was closed after she stayed in Israel. There have only been two deposits to her new account. A moneygram from a Nettie David in Israel and her first two NCIS paychecks. The only checks she's written on it were to the apartment complex and to pay for utilities. She had a declining balance credit card from vic assist and used it in all the expected places. Mostly retail stores probably replacing her clothes and stuff would be my guess. She's got a one new credit card and she's only used it a few times at a couple restaurants, a grocery store and Walmart. And she bought a bus pass."

"Dinozzo, you got a point to this?"

"Here's the real kicker, Boss. She's got two accounts with a bank in Israel. The combined balance is over thirty thousand. There was a big deposit in May. My guess is she got reimbursed for the explosion in her apartment. The last deposit was in September. Probably her last Mossad paycheck before she resigned. But get this, Boss, there's a freeze on both accounts. The bank code says the account holder is missing or deceased but the freeze wasn't placed on the accounts until October 14th."

"The day after Ben-Gidon went back to Israel without her."

"Yea, Boss. It's bad enough the bastard sent her on a suicide mission but now this? We gotta do something."

"We're not doing anything, Dinozzo."

"What? Come on, Boss, you can't be serious? She needs help here. Not that she'd ever complain about it."

"No, she doesn't need our help. Not with this. She's not starving. This is between her and Eli David. If she wanted our help, she'd ask. She needs to stand on her own against him. Looks like she's doing a pretty good job of it to me."

Tony sighed. He knew Gibbs was right but he didn't have to like it. "Yea, I see what you're saying. She's gotta have some of her old control back. It's bad enough we can't give it to her on the job. But it's just wrong, ya know? She's completely starting over. She oughtta at least get to have some decent stuff."

"Eh, stuff doesn't really matter that much. She's got what's important."

Deep down, Tony knew Gibbs was right. Ziva's pride had taken a big enough blow with the way they had to watch over her on the job. The last thing they needed to do was make her feel like she couldn't handle her personal life without help either. He'd do what was best for Ziva and stay out of it even though he hated it. By nature, he was a problem solver. When someone he cared about was hurting, he would try and fix it. Try to take them clubbing. Bring them wine. It was killing him to do nothing. Then it hit him. There was one thing he could do. Pulling out his keys, he removed the key chain and put it on Ziva's desk next to her keyboard. For now, she would at least have a corkscrew. Eventually, she'd have everything else she deserved too. She'd be an American citizen and a full fledged agent. And he was allowed to help with that. He couldn't help but look forward to the day when everything would be right side up again.


	7. Chapter 7

Gibbs leaned heavily against the boat frame as another wave of pain shot through his upper body. He had done too much by working on the boat so soon. Hell, he'd probably over done it just coming down the stairs. If he had remained upstairs any longer, though, he would have shot something. He enjoyed a good book but four of them in the last three days and he was done. There was nothing he hated more than being laid up. Lying on his couch all day gave him too much time to think about the what-ifs. As a rule he made it a point not to second guess but it was hard to let this one go. At the moment, though, he was too focused on his pain to think about anything else. He was so focused, in fact, that he didn't even hear the basement door.

"Gibbs," Ziva called. "I brought you lunch. Homemade potato soup and turkey sandwiches." Shaking her head, she added, "I should have known you would come down here despite the doctor's orders."

Gibbs didn't move from his current position. He knew Ziva would realize immediately what was wrong. There was no point in trying to hide it from her.

"I see the doctor was right about the stairs. Here," she said handing him the pain pills and glass of water she'd carried down with her. Apparently she had anticipated the cost of his defiance.

Gibbs just grunted and swallowed the medicine. That alone told her all she needed to know. She pulled the stool over by him. "Sit," she told him.

"Not your damn dog. I may be on medical leave but I still give the orders, Agent David. Not that you ever bother to follow them," he groused. Despite his protests, he sat down.

"You are a very grumpy patient, Gibbs," Ziva replied. "I see now why Tony told me it was a probie's duty to check on you. This is hazing, yes?" she teased, making it clear that she was not intimidated in the least by his surly demeanor. "And technically, since you are on medical leave, Tony gives the orders. He ordered me to bring you lunch and to make sure you take all of your medication."

"I don't need anybody to check on me. Tell Dinozzo to worry about doing his job. I can take care of myself."

"Yes, you are doing an excellent job taking care of yourself. That is why we are sitting here waiting for the pain medication to begin working in order for you to be able to climb up the stairs," Ziva responded sarcastically.

"I woulda made it up just fine without your help. And I can do without the attitude, Probie."

"You are unhappy with my bedside manner, yes? Well, perhaps you will find Abby's nursing style more pleasant. She will be checking on you this evening. And your father said he will return late tomorrow afternoon. Maybe he can make you obey the doctor."

They lapsed into silence as they waited for Gibbs's pain to subside enough for him to return to his couch upstairs. The past few days had been difficult for everyone but Ziva hoped the worst of it was over. Gibbs was definitely improving as evidenced by his attempt to over do it. She was grateful to be sitting in his basement. A little more than a week ago she had been sitting in a surgical waiting room praying that he would not die.

"_Ziva, oh my God, are you okay? You're covered in blood. It's Gibbs's blood, isn't it? Is he going to be okay? Please tell me he is going to be okay. What happened?" Abby would have continued but Tony interrupted._

"_Give her a chance to talk, Abby. Have you heard anything yet?" Tony asked._

"_No," Ziva replied softly while staring straight ahead. "He was unconscious when we got here. They took him into surgery as soon as we arrived. They are trying to stop the bleeding. The nurse said someone would call the desk as soon as they have something definite to tell us." _

"_Oh, Ziva, you must have been so scared," Abby said as she sat down and put her arm around her friend's shoulder. Ziva remained stoic and refused to make eye contact with anyone. _

"_Did anyone call his father? Jack should know what is going on. He would probably want to be here," Tim said._

"_I'll make the call," Vance replied. "David, go get cleaned up. Dinozzo, work your magic on the receptionist at the desk and get some scrubs for David to wear. McGee, take Ms. Scuito and make a coffee run. I have a feeling we are going to be here awhile." Vance's orders had a calming effect as he gave everyone a job. _

_It was another three hours before a nurse finally called from the operating room to tell them that the surgery had gone well and Gibbs was stable. She said the doctor was finishing up and would be out to talk to them soon. When the doctor finally arrived, he approached them with a smile. "Well, Agent Gibbs is minus a spleen but he should make a full recovery. He was extremely lucky. The bullet missed almost everything important. If you have to lose an organ, the spleen is the way to go. Agent Gibbs will be in the recovery room for a couple of hours and then he'll be moved to a regular patient room. You can see him then."_

_Ducky continued to quiz the doctor on specifics but the medical jargon was lost on everyone else. Vance slipped away to call and update Jack as Ziva collapsed back into a chair. _

"_You alright?" Tony asked her kneeling down to be eye level with her._

_Hearing that Gibbs would survive had finally broken through her emotional defenses. She looked at Tony with tears in her eyes. "No. He almost died..."_

"_But he didn't. Because of you. You saved his life, Ziva. Not to mention you totally kicked ass. I knew the super ninja in you was bound to make a comeback eventually," Tony threw in the last part to try to lighten her mood a little. He could joke about the situation now that they knew Gibbs was going to be alright._

"_I did not think. I was focused on saving him. I was determined to do whatever was needed. He did not want me to go against them alone but I knew he was losing too much blood. I could not wait," Ziva replied._

"_Not everyone could take on three armed drug dealers and win, Ziva, but you've got the skills," Abby enthused. Her mood had changed to instant euphoria upon hearing Gibbs's prognosis._

"_Abby's right. It was a good call. You neutralized the threat and got Gibbs out. Look at it this way. If he fires you for disobeying orders, you've got a great career ahead of you as an ambulance driver. Seriously, he wouldn't have lasted until we got there. You did good, Probie. You've inspired a new Dinozzo rule. It's rare but sometimes you gotta go with your gut even if it doesn't agree with the boss," Tony said._

_Although Tony was joking, there was an element of seriousness to what he said. If Ziva had waited for Tony and McGee or even the local police to arrive, this conversation would be taking place in a morgue rather than a hospital. Gibbs and Ziva had been investigating a lead on a club their dead petty officer had frequented. They were supposed to interview the manager and instead surprised the owner in the midst of a drug deal. Gibbs and Ziva had taken cover in a side room but not before Gibbs took a bullet in the abdomen. The only way out was through three armed men. With Ziva firing every time the men approached, it quickly turned into a stand off._

_Ziva called for backup but then told Gibbs the wait for help would take too long. He ordered her to stay put. She had used supplies she found in the room to secure pressure on Gibbs's wound and then she had defied his orders. She had managed to pick off one of them from the cover off the doorway and then had gone after the other two. With a gun in each hand, she dropped both of them before they knew what hit them. Once the path was cleared, Ziva somehow managed to help Gibbs to the car and then raced him to the nearest hospital at unbelievable speed. _

"Going up now. You coming or am I serving myself lunch?" Gibbs asked bringing Ziva back to the present.

"I thought you did not need my help," Ziva said with a smirk.

"I don't need your help. Don't remember saying anything about not wanting your cooking, though."

Gibbs leaned back into the pillows on the couch. Ziva had returned to work after making his lunch and completing a laundry list of household tasks. He was glad to see her go. Seeing her just reminded him of what could have happened. He'd been through it a thousand times and he still couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. Why hadn't he seen it coming? His own near death didn't bother him. He'd been there before and realistically he would probably be there again before his career was over. It was Ziva's part in the experience that was haunting him. He was supposed to be watching over her. Instead, she'd been forced to save him. He let her down.

Hours later, the sound of someone moving around in the kitchen woke him. The scene outside the window had turned dark. He must have slept most of the afternoon. He slowly eased himself off the couch and headed to the kitchen to find Abby assembling dinner. Truthfully, he'd rather be on his own right now but he couldn't do that to his team. He had told Ziva that she would have to be strong enough to accept help. Now he was forced to adhere to his own advice. Whether it was necessary or not, his team needed to take care of him right now so he let them.

"Gibbs, you're awake," Abby said as she gave him a smile and a kiss on the cheek. "Did I make too much noise? I was trying to be quiet."

"Damn pain pills must've knocked me out."

"You wouldn't have needed them if you'd stayed upstairs, Gibbs," Abby admonished him. At his stern look, she added, "Sleeping is good for you. You heal faster when you're asleep. Not that you don't already heal fast anyway. So, I brought all your favorites from that Chinese place you like. I even brought enough for you and Jack to have leftovers. It's so sweet that you are letting him stay with you. I know you don't really need him here but he was so excited about getting to spend time with you."

"You planning to eat with me?" Gibbs asked noticing she was making two plates.

"You don't want me to? Cuz I miss you, Gibbs. Tony brings me Caf-Pow! but it's not the same."

"Abs, you've seen me every day," Gibbs said with amusement. "But you can stay if you want."

"Aww, you miss me too, Gibbs," she teased as she sat the plates at his kitchen table. "Besides, you owe me."

"How you figure that?"

"I brought your favorite coffee," Abby said holding it just out of his reach. "Only if you promise no more stairs until the doctor says you can."

"Abbs," Gibbs growled.

"Okay, but only because Ziva told me you were a total grouch earlier. You obviously need a caffeine fix."

The coffee and the food went a long way toward improving Gibbs's mood. Abby knew him well enough to see that something was still weighing on him, though. She also knew he probably wouldn't talk about it unless it was on his terms. Rather than asking, she babbled on about anything and everything to fill the silence. Finally, she grew frustrated and decided to take a risk. The worst he could do was shut her down and it wouldn't be the first time.

"She's okay, you know, in case that's what you're worrying about."

"What are you talking about Abs?"

"Ziva. I mean she was a little freaked when it happened but we all were. She's been like unbelievably open about the whole thing. Very un-Ziva like. She's been like the new improved actually talks about how she feels sometimes Ziva. And now that we know you're okay, she's totally good. Better than good. Like her confidence is kinda back. I mean, not like all the way back. But, you know, more back than it was."

When Gibbs didn't respond, Abby gave up and began cleaning up from dinner. Once she was finished, she checked to make sure everything was ready for Jack's arrival the next day. She left an envelope with Jack's name on the bedside table in Gibbs's guest room. She reminded Gibbs that there was still leftover breakfast casserole for him in the refrigerator. She also told him Ziva would be bringing lunch again the next day as well as some other food for him and Jack. Then with a kiss on the cheek, she told him goodbye and left.

Ziva arrived around noon the next day to find an unfamiliar red sports car in Gibbs's driveway. Although she was not that knowledgeable regarding American cars, she thought it looked like an older model Mustang. She was puzzled until she heard the voices in the living room. "Jack, you arrived early. You got everything taken care of at home, I hope," she said with a smile.

"I got an early start. And I've got a reliable young man watching the store so I can stay for a nice long visit this time. So, how are you, young lady? Is that lunch I smell?" Jack asked as he reached out to take the box she carried.

"There's more in the car," Ziva replied. At Gibbs's questioning glance, she added, "Tony said this qualified as company business. I have one of the Chargers."

"Dinozzo's taking a lot of liberties," Gibbs complained.

"Feel free to stay in here and gripe, Son, but I'm planning on enjoying this homemade lasagna. What I'd really like to do is share it with the lovely young lady who made it. You will be staying, won't you, Ziva?" Jack asked hopefully.

"Well, you are a difficult man to say no to, Jackson Gibbs. I suppose Tony will not mind if I stay long enough for a quick bite," Ziva replied with a smile. Jack helped Ziva carry in the remaining food items and then made coffee while she prepared their lunch.

As they finished eating, Ziva finally had to ask, "Is that your car in the driveway, Jack?"

"You sound a little shocked. Should I be offended that you don't think an old man like me would drive that car?" Jack teased her.

"Oh, but you misunderstood me. I am not shocked at all. I am just curious if it perhaps explains how you managed to arrive so much earlier than anticipated," she teased him in return.

"Well, young lady, it is actually my latest project. I found I enjoyed rebuilding Leroy's car so much that I acquired another one. This one is newer. A 1988 Ford Mustang GT. Got it cheap off an estate sale. Restoring it was not as difficult, though. Just needed a few new parts to get it going again and a little body work. Now that I've finished it I'm not quite sure what I'm going to do with it. You wouldn't happen to be in need of a car would you?" Jack asked.

"Someone has been talking about me, yes? Abby or Tony?" was Ziva's only reply.

"Well, Abby and I did spend quite a bit of time talking at the hospital," Jack replied sheepishly and then begged "You could at least take it for a spin and tell me what you think."

"Ugh…you are impossible to resist. You know this, yes? It must be the eyes," Ziva said. "However, you must understand. I have only been saving for a couple of months. I am not ready to purchase a car yet."

"Well, just so you understand, young lady. I hardly paid anything for that car and I don't need to make a profit from it. My profit will be the satisfaction of knowing a beautiful woman is enjoying it," Jack told her holding out the keys with a pleading look.

"You are really much to charming to be related to him," Ziva told the elder Gibbs with a pointed look at his son. She accepted the keys while glancing over at her boss for his reaction. He had remained silent during her exchange with his father and was now glaring at her.

"Dad, you sure about this? Ziva almost killed the whole team the first time I let her drive back from a crime scene. You might not get that car back in one piece," Gibbs said. The only response was Ziva slamming the front door. A few minutes later they could hear her gunning the motor before she pealed out of the driveway.

"Are you sure about giving her that much car, Son?" Jack asked.

"Oh, yea, she's gonna love it. No way we coulda got away with buying a new one with that much power," Gibbs replied.

"You know she saw through my story about restoring it. I'm not a good enough liar for the likes of her. She's gonna figure it out when I sign the title over to her anyway," Jack pointed out.

"Yea, but this way she thinks it's my way of saying thank you without actually saying it. Any other way and it'd make her feel like we don't think she can take care of herself. Abs get you the rest of the money yet?" Gibbs asked.

"It was sitting on the table by the bed when I got here. She's efficient, that one, pulling it all together so quickly. Is there anyone on your team who didn't contribute? I thought I even saw a check from Director Vance," Jack replied.

"Everyone has wanted to do something to help since Ziva got back. Wouldn't let them til now so they went all out. Have any trouble finding the car?"

"Nope. I was telling the truth about the estate sale. Some guy with a mid-life crisis back in the eighties. Bought the thing and then left it garage parked most of the time. It's in excellent condition. So, are you planning to let the car do all the talking or are you ever going to speak to the girl about what happened?"

"Abs again?"

"I got eyes, Son; Abby doesn't need to tell me everything. You wanna tell me what's bothering you besides getting shot?"

Gibbs sighed deeply and then finally gave voice to the thoughts that had been plaguing him for over a week. "Don't know what everyone else told you but Ziva's been through hell. The kind of stuff you can't just bounce right back from. Had to take it slow with her on the job. Let her rebuild her confidence."

"Abby and Dr. Mallard both told me some things but I'd already noticed she was different. I can tell she's changed since the first time I met her. She's softer now. She seems sad at times. In some ways she seems less haunted than she was before, though. She's a strong young woman. She looks like she's doing well considering."

"She is. But what happened at that club…she wasn't ready, Dad. Not for something like that. She shouldn't have been in that position. I should've taken better care of her."

"Really? Seems to me like she did a fine job. You're both still alive, aren't you? And from what I heard, it wasn't something you could've anticipated. Ziva said the club manager used you to get the owner busted. She figured the manager was too scared to report the drug activity outright and that's why he told you to come by when he knew a deal would be happening."

Before they could discuss it further, Ziva burst through the door with a huge smile. "Jack, that car is amazing. How is it possible for a car that old to have so much power?"

"Does this mean you'll take it?" Jack asked hopefully.

"I do not see how I can. I only have a few hundred dollars saved and I know nothing about maintaining a car like that. I just need to lease something new and take it to the dealer for service. It will only be a few more months until I can afford to do that," Ziva explained.

"I might know something about cars, Ziver. Could help you maintain it. If you like the car, then take it. Man's obviously dying to give it to you," Gibbs told her.

Ziva considered her decision for several moments and both men wisely remained silent. It was obvious she really loved the car and was struggling not to give in. Finally, she spoke, "Alright, I will take it. But you must at least let me pay you the money I have saved."

Later that afternoon Gibbs decided to brave the basement stairs again. He figured he could make it down and back up again as long as he didn't try to do anything beyond that. His main objective was to get to his bourbon. He'd left off the pain pills all day for that very purpose. Drink in hand at last, he sat idly at his work bench and allowed his thoughts to drift to the conversation with his father. It had only been two months ago that Ziva told him she didn't think she was ready to be on her own. He had been shocked that she had been honest enough to admit her fear. Yet, she had somehow managed to overcome it last week.

_Gibbs sat against the wall pressing the towel Ziva had found to the wound in his abdomen. He watched as she snapped her phone shut in frustration._

"_Tony and McGee are at least thirty minutes away. You don't have that kind of time. You are losing too much blood," she told him._

"_You called 911. Just wait for the local LEOs," he replied._

"_No, Gibbs, they will treat this as a hostage situation and try to negotiate. They will waste time that you do not have before deciding to bring in a SWAT team. I can get us out of here. Let me do this," she demanded._

"_No. You told me you weren't ready."_

"_That was two months ago, Gibbs. I know I can do this."_

"_Things don't change that much in two months, Ziva. You need to wait."_

"_And you need a hospital. You can agree to let me do this now or I will wait until you pass out. Then I will be in charge, yes? And I will not wait for help."_

"_Damn strong-willed…," Gibbs said as he was starting to fade. _

_Ziva wasted no time laying him down and tightly securing the towel that was keeping pressure on his wound. She then pilfered his backup gun and pulled hers as well. With two fully loaded weapons, she was ready to go. He watched as she fired from the doorway. Her voice sounded far away as he heard her say that she had dropped one. He could only lay there and listen as she made her way out of the door. He heard two more rapid gunshots and then nothing. An agonizing minute later, he saw her face above his. She began pulling him up. He only vaguely remembered her helping him to the car and could remember nothing after that._

Gibbs's thoughts were interrupted by footsteps on the stairs.

"Hello Gibbs. I do not have any pain medication with me this time so I hope you are not over doing it."

"Got the best pain medication there is right here," he replied holding up the coffee mug that clearly was not being used for coffee. "Join me?" he asked.

"No, thank you. I will be driving home soon," Ziva replied with a smug smile. "Abby just brought me by to pick up my new car."

Gibbs couldn't help but be amused. Ziva was not even attempting to hide her excitement over the car. He watched her closely as he sipped his bourbon. He finally realized Abby had been right. Ziva was okay. Once again, he had underestimated her. Judging by the look on her face, he had a feeling she was about to tell him as much. Honestly, it was probably only his perpetual grumpiness that stopped her from saying it sooner.

"I know Jack did not restore that car, you know. And I know it is not a thank you gift from you either. You should have selected someone less…exuberant to collect the funds if you wanted to keep it a secret," Ziva teased before becoming more serious. "I do hope it means you are not angry with me for ignoring your orders, though. I know I made the right choice whether or not you agree. Even if you put me on desk duty for the rest of my life, I would still make the same choice. I could not watch you die and do nothing. Not when I could stop it. Surely, you can understand that. You let Tony and McGee risk their lives for me in Somalia. You risked your life as well to get all of us out of there. We are a team, yes? We have each others' backs. It is what we do."

"Was only two months ago you told me you weren't ready to go in alone. Guess I didn't see that had changed," Gibbs grudgingly admitted. Ziva understood that was the only acknowledgement she was going to get that she had been right to defy him.

"I did not have the same confidence two months ago that I have now. If the circumstances had been different, I still might have let my fear hold me back. But I refused to lose you because of fear. So, now I know. I can do whatever is needed if it is for the right reason. I can do it on the job and off of it. I think I learned this from you. Because that is what you are doing now, yes? Letting Jack be here. Letting us bring you meals. You are doing what is needed. You are accepting our help because you know it is the right thing to do for us."

Gibbs caught her meaning loud and clear. She was accepting the car because it meant so much to them to give it to her. Yet again she had managed to surprise him.

"Ziver, about the car. We know you can take care of yourself. You are probably thinking…" Gibbs began before Ziva interrupted.

"I am only thinking that it is a _really_ _fast_ car," she told him as her face lit up with a brilliant smile.

Tony hummed a Frank Sinatra tune as he exited the elevator a good two hours earlier he than normally reported to work. Today was the day Gibbs returned from six weeks of medical leave. Of course, he was coming back two weeks earlier than the doctor recommended. However, that was not the reason for Tony's good mood. He was happy because today was also the day that Special Agent David was finally getting what she deserved. It wasn't the removal of the probie tag. Nope, she had lost it three weeks ago after she was granted U.S. citizenship. It wasn't a better apartment. He and McGee had plans to help her move next month when her current lease ran out. It wasn't new furniture although she could definitely use it. The sleeper sofa she had purchased from Craig's List ad was freaking heavy and he was not looking forward to moving it. He and McGee both nearly got a hernia carrying it up the stairs the first time. While all of those things were great, they were not nearly as gratifying as what was in store for her today.

Tony had worked hard over the last three months to lull his partner into a false sense of security. He had intentionally made a couple of pathetic attempts at retaliatory pranks. Ones he knew would never be capable of catching her off guard. He had endured her arrogant assertions that she was the prank master with feigned annoyance. He even let her rub it in that she had been able to fool him with the same prank twice. Over the past couple of weeks he had finally started to see signs that his hard work was paying off. She was becoming less diligent about checking her desk and car for evidence of tampering. Today was the day he was making his move. The self-proclaimed prank master was going down.

He had subtly suggested to Abby that they might want to do a welcome breakfast for Gibbs's first day back. Gibbs had developed quite an addiction to Ziva's mouthwatering breakfast casserole during his recovery. Tony knew Abby would ask Ziva to bring it. He even volunteered to pick up donuts as his contribution. As Tony had hoped, Ziva baked the casserole fresh that morning. While she wasn't late, she was the last one to arrive. She bypassed her own desk and went straight over to where the food was set up on empty desk. Tony's plan also hinged on Ziva being the first to head back to her desk as the breakfast began to wind down. She didn't disappoint him.

Ziva carefully watched to see when Gibbs would sit down and begin work. She did not want to be accused of goofing off once he thought it was time for the breakfast to end. Even though she was no longer a probationary agent, she still had no desire to cross him. He had not mentioned any consequences for her defiance on the day he was shot but she was not taking any chances. As a result, everyone else was still standing in the bullpen when she returned to her desk. She heard the laughter before she even realized what had happened. She found herself flat on the floor surrounded by the remains of her chair.

With a grin, Tim held out a hand to help Ziva to her feet. "Fool me once, shame on you..." he reminded her as he tried not to laugh.

"Fool me twice, shame on me," Ziva replied with an embarrassed grin.

* * *

A/N: This is the end of our favorite team's journey to right side up. I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
